Haste Makes Waste(d Mama)

To finish off my postpartum picks, I have to say that Lansinoh brand lanolin and Lansinoh nursing pads are absolutely essential. I used the lanolin every day for the entire 2 years and 2 months that I nursed Sweet Pea. Kept the ole nips moist, healthy and crack-free.

As for the breast pads - well, we tried store brand and others as well as the Lansinoh ones. Store brands tended to fall apart and leave fluff on my nipples, which if I wasn't watching would probably have been ingested by my sweet little babe, and who wants a baby drinking paper/cotton or whatever those things are made out of? Ugh! Some other brands didn't fall apart like that but were too thin or didn't have a plastic barrier to protect clothing. The Lansinoh pads just plain rock. I was completely sold on them the night when I had a plugged duct that let go while I was sleeping. I had nursed Sweet Pea with her chin toward the plug, as suggested, which made for amusing nursing, as the plug was at the top of my breast. Then we went to sleep for the night. Even though it hurt a lot I was able to get to sleep and didn't notice when the plug let go. In the morning when I got up and took off my nighttime bra to take a shower, the nursing pad which had absorbed the unplugged duct fell to the bathroom floor with a ten-ton "THUD!" I was shocked and then remembered the plug the night before. The Lansinoh breast pad had absorbed a whole ton of milk that had come out when the plug let go during the night, and held it all. I was amazed, and totally sold. Now that's the only brand I want.

Now, as for haste making waste - I find that 8 days after giving birth, I am impatient for my body to go back to normal. My belly is shrinking every day, but I want it all the way back to normal and not sore anymore. My pelvis is still sore, but I want to be able to move around quickly and easily again. I do feel better every day, so I find myself doing too much and not just sitting and nursing like I should be. Slipshod is home and we've got family visiting on and off, so I really don't need to bust my butt around here, but I am one who craves accomplishment every day. I measure that accomplishment more in visible things like clean laundry, clean dishes, thank you notes written, etc. than in more important things like well-fed baby and rested Mama. Somebody glue me to the couch! Because my increase in activity is sometimes leading to more bleeding and today, sudden abdominal pains (after none since day of delivery). Argh.

Violet's Postpartum Picks

The wee one has been sucking me dry all day. Yesterday I was engorged and had fountains of milk for her, but I guess I didn't drink enough because today I was all squishy all day and she just couldn't get enough of the boobs!

Anyway, I think she's asleep now - oh, nope, she's staring at the ceiling. Oh well. We'll see how much I can type here before she figures out I'm not holding her and she has a wet diaper. Everyone else is asleep and I really should be too, but I wanted to pop a little something up here that I've been thinking about.

It's a list of things that I find extremely useful and possibly even indispensable after having a baby. Enjoy!

FROZEN PADS - made with (1/4 cup per pad) witch hazel poured onto big, thick maxi pads and then frozen. SO awesome for a week or more after labor. Thayer's witch hazel with aloe vera smells really nice, too. Store brands - not so much.

DEPENDS - frickin' awesome for holding said frozen pads and keeping your clothes and furniture dry. Love 'em.

AFTER PAIN TINCTURE, SITZ BATH HERBS, and GOLDENSEAL ROOT POWDER from Herb Lore. Pam, who owns Herb Lore, is awesome, as are her products. The after pain tincture works instantly in my case to relieve uterine cramping pains after birth. The sitz bath herbs just kinda make things feel better down there, and give you an excuse to have to sit in the bath tub and relax after you have a baby. ha ha! The goldenseal root powder dries up the baby's cord stump very quickly and is an infection fighter. Good stuff!

Oops, that's all I have time for. Baby crying. Must change diaper and once again try to get her to sleep so I can get my sorry ass to bed.

Pictures For You

Wow, the anticipation almosted killed blogger!

The demand for news of Laboring Mama was so intense that it brought all of blogger down this morning. Wow, I didn't know there were so many of you out there, and you should really lay off the refresh button. If you hit that button too often you'll go blind.

Anyway, here's some stats on the new family member:

8lbs 6 oz.
21 inches
BIG head (runs in the Slipshod family - drove Mama nuts when she found out about it. Of course that might have been because she was several months pregnant when she found out about the genetic traits in the family... )
Red Hair, just like her sister (though you can't see it in the picture)

It's a GIRL!!!

Our new daughter was born this morning, and everyone is happy and healthy. Spectacular waterbirth - Mama finally got her home birth. The family is happy and healthy, and Sweat Pea is excited to finally meet her sister.

More later. Daddy is HIGH on the birth-juju right now and can't sit in one place for long!

Mama went into labor, and it's for real.

More later, kind of busy.

Back to Normal Around Here

Okay, I SO feel like the boy who cried "wolf!" Apparently this baby is not going to come until we totally ignore the fact that I'm still pregnant and just go back to life as usual. I'm sending Slipshod back to work today, and I'll go about my usual routine with Sweet Pea. Dirty dishes, here I come. ha ha!

Maybe the baby's waiting until we finally choose a name for her... Geez, I don't really think that's going to happen until she's born, though, so she'd better just come on out.

We have to go for a prenatal visit tonight. I don't want to be in the car, especially not on the narrow, winding Santa Cruz Mountain roads, particularly the one with speed bumps. ARGH... Oh well, maybe those will help things along.

Julie, you're right, I don't think I'll get to MNO tonight - ha ha. Would love to see you, but going out in the car sucks - and we'll probably be just coming home from our prenatal appointment around the time that you all are getting together.

On the plus side, all of this "gearing up" has gotten me to sleep a LOT more in the past couple days. I've taken naps with Sweet Pea and gone to bed with her at night, which means I've added 3 to 4 extra hours to my time in bed, and I'm feeling the good effects of that.

Sweet Pea is so difficult to wake up (gives me hope for her not waking when the baby does after she's born) that we opted not to give her her 1:30am dose of Tylenol. It was hard enough to wake her up for it at 5:30am! She is fine again today. I haven't taken her temperature but she's EATING, YAY, and drinking, which she has been doing pretty well all along except for a couple hours on the bad bad day.

Slipshod did a ton of work around the house yesterday and the place looks awesome. I just hope he didn't hurt his hands & elbows too much. Somehow he even managed to move large pieces of furniture!

Well, we slept nice and late and now it's time for Sweet Pea and I to have some breakfast. Sorry about all the ups and downs with this, I'm really not just trying to get attention - ha ha! Our midwives think that this gearing up work my uterus is doing is really good, and that I should just go about my days as I'm doing today, ignoring it. One of the midwives said, "I always think that any contraction that can be ignored should be ignored."

Last night's contractions were much stronger than the previous night's, which is why once again I truly thought labor was starting - but oh well... it was nice to be able to go to bed early and get some sleep and not be in labor all night. But the baby's really got to come out soon. Really. I insist.

*** By the way... *** Yes, I did notice my husband's not-so-subtle infiltration of my blog. Yeesh. Geeks. Can't keep your computer safe from 'em, but they sure are handy when your computer hangs or crashes. Hee. My favorite part, besides that right on my blog he wrote, "shh, don't tell her..." was that I received an e-mail telling me that I had invited him to join my blog. ha ha ha! Dork.

OK, maybe not...

Laboring Mama has gone to sleep, and I'll be following shortly. The contractions settled down, but it did get my Mom to come down and bring us dinner! :)

That's all for now - maybe we'll have some good news tomorrow...

Looks like we're starting up again.

Mama is having regular contractions again, and they're noticably stronger. Looks like we may be in business again. Or not, while I was writing this they have slowed down. could be a long night one way or another.

Sweet Pea is still calling the baby "Boggle-Joggle" (oh sweet revenge some day, sis-inlaw), and seems to be largely back to normal. The fever is mostly gone - 99.3 last check.

Shhh. Don't tell anyone.

I added myself to the home daily news so I don't have to post as her, but she doesn't know it yet. This is the dark, never-spoken-outloud downside to marrying a geek - nothing on your PC is safe. Sure all the gadgets are cool, and the fast internet access is great... But your digital secrets are never safe from beady-little prying eyes.

Unless I'm too busy playing games on the Xbox 360.

Uh... okay, stand by.

Hi there,

This time it's me again. I just read Slipshod's post below from last night and got a giggle about the way he wrote some things.

Sweet Pea appears to be better today - her temperature is all the way back to normal and she is talking and playing and actually EATING a little bit. But we're still taking her to see the doctor at 11am. And we gave her a dose of medicine after we got up and her temp was normal - don't want to have a repeat of yesterday!

As for labor, dude, I have no idea what's going on. I had contractions throughout the night and my belly is sore but I was also able to get decent sleep, which is great. Found that setting an alarm for Sweet Pea's medicine times helped me to sleep much more restfully between doses (the past two nights I figured I'd be getting up to pee anyway, so I'd be awake at the right times - but my potty breaks didn't actually mesh with medicine times most of the night).

Anyway - I am still having contractions every time I move and they feel stronger than Braxton Hicks contractions, but nothing else is going on, and they're not regular. This morning Slipshod suggested that perhaps my mind is holding off labor until I'm sure that Sweet Pea is out of the woods. When I spoke with one of our midwives this morning, she said the same thing and suggested that maybe when we've been to the doctor and I'm feeling better about Sweet Pea's illness, maybe I'll let go and let labor begin. But she also said, "just play, go for walks, have a great day and don't think about it. It's not a mind game."

I was kinda grumpy when I woke up because I kinda feel like, "okay, if I'm in labor, let's get going and get it over with." Oh well. The baby's moving a lot, which is reportedly good. Stay tuned for further developments.

An amusing anecdote from this morning: Slipshod's cell phone rang in a weird phone-sounding way, and Sweet Pea asked me what that noise was. I told her that it was Daddy's phone and she said, "no, it's the baby! It's her voice!" ha ha ha! Geez, I hope not.

Baby watch begins...

This is Slipshod, guest-posting for the laboring Mama. She's been having contractions for a couple of hours now, though they are not regular nor frequent. They are reported as being "stronger than a BH" and "Oh yeah, that's a contraction."
We've let the Midwives and Dula know, and are settling down for the night to get some rest. Unfortunately the big sister came down with something evil on Friday, and is fighting off a fever that got quite high today (praise be to Motrin and Tylenol, for in their glory we find salvation from fever). Got a bit excited when it went higher than 103F, though the advice nurse talked me down. Appearantly as long as she's not _actively_ exhibiting signs of brain damage it's no big deal. Or something like that. It sounded good at the time anyway, and after the Tylenol she started acting like herself again. So looks like we're continuing the medication rotation (or the analgesic shuffle if you prefer) tonight to make sure this thing is banished. Grandma may end up taking her to the Doctor tomorrow if we're "otherwise occupied".
Anyway looks like tonight/tomorrow could be a long day. Keep us in your thoughts and wish the Mama a short and complication-free birth. We're both eagerly awaiting the new addition to the family - even though we don't know her name yet. Maybe we should talk about that sometime, it might be important.

Cheers,
Slipshod

*Yawn*

Okay, first night in new bed not as deliriously wonderful as I was hoping it would be.

Sweet Pea has adopted a very annoying habit of whining lately, which we're trying to break her of. She was whining during dinner last night and wanted me to keep my arm around her while I was trying to eat (yeah, the one with the hand on it that I was using to get the food to my face). She hardly ate all day long, and wasn't opening her mouth all the way at dinner even when I tried to feed her. She didn't want to drink. We told her that if she was too tired, we could just take her to bed. She chose that option. That should have been a tip-off that something was wrong, but I just put her to bed and we didn't think too much of it.

When I got into bed hours later and touched her naked back, my hand practically burned off! I told myself that she was just hot because she had a sheet and light blanket on. I pulled down the covers and waited for her to cool off. But she didn't. And her breath seemed to be coming too quickly. So I finally asked Slipshod to get the thermometer and a cup of water. He did, and the thermometer did its job and started beeping frantically within seconds. It read, "102.7." YIKES! Sweet Pea did not want more than two sips of water. We gave her Motrin and all went back to sleep.

I kept waking up to feel her skin to make sure she wasn't burning anymore. I kept waking up to make trips to the bathroom to relieve my poor squished bladder. I kept waking up because I was really hot, even though I wasn't sleeping with any covers on (this is not new - it's a nightly occurrence while I'm pregnant; doesn't matter how cool or warm it is in the house). I worried about Sweet Pea, but also about whether or not I will get sick from her, which is particularly frightening to me since I'm due NOW and need whatever strength I have for labor.

Her skin cooled down pretty quickly after we gave her the Motrin, and did not heat up to burning again during the night. Her temperature is still around 100 this morning, but we can deal with that. She is acting normal and says she feels fine. Hopefully she'll eat. And she is drinking today - hooray! She loves popsicles so if she stops drinking again later I'll give her a couple of those to get some liquid into her. Actually, I think I have some homemade ones in the freezer that I made with Pedialite.

As for the bed, it was so nice that all three of us could be in there together, and having another body in bed bought me some space! Sweet Pea started sleeping RIGHT up against me during the winter and never stopped, and that can be difficult to deal with when I'm getting up multiple times at night, not to mention trying to turn my whale-sized body over several times during the night. Last night she rolled over and magnetized herself to Slipshod, and I had all kinds of room! I don't know how well he slept because he was crammed over all the way to his side, I think, and was probably trying not to squish her. But I'll tell you what, he got plenty of sleep for the many hours I had to listen to him snoring. I forgot to mention that on my list of reasons I kept waking up. Ugh. Gotta get used to his night noises again.

And no, I'm still not in labor. Stay tuned!

**** Note 4.5 hours after waking: My throat hurts and is slightly red. Sweet Pea is still not eating, except for popsicles. I'm guessing her throat hurts too. I gave her some Kids Chloraseptic spray a half hour ago. Her temperature is back up slightly past 102. AUGH! DAMMIT! We can't be sick right now! Especially me! But at least she is still acting normal and wanting to play. That makes me feel better about the fever. It's when she gets listless that I worry.

Not Yet

Okay, if you're checking by here to see if I'm in labor, no, I'm not. Today is my due date, and I seriously think that if this baby gets any lower she'll be hanging between my knees, but nothing yet. I thought I was starting labor between 5 & 7pm two evenings ago, but then it stopped.

The California contingent of my family is officially all out of state as of today - Mom and Dad flew out this morning to the East Coast for my oldest niece's high school graduation next Tuesday, and my sister and brother-in-law have already been there for nearly a week. They were all loathe to go knowing that I'll most likely have the baby while they're gone, but whaddaya gonna do. I think it was important for them all to go to my niece's graduation. She has always lived across the country from us so we haven't been able to watch her grow up, and I think that makes it especially important for them to go celebrate this milestone with her. Plus, she will remember them all being there for her special day, whereas the baby will not remember a single thing about her birth, much less who was around to come see her right after she was born.

We DO have some exciting news around our house today, though - we FINALLY got our big, cushy, soft, luscious, huge new bed delivered! YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I am SO excited. I'm washing tons of bedding today so we can sleep on it tonight. It is a California King and we have never had anything bigger than a double, if you can believe that, until now. Which means that all of the sheets and stuff are new too. I washed one set a couple weeks ago but let the others sit because it didn't look like we were getting the bed anytime soon. So today I've washed the second set and they're in the dryer, and the kick-ass waterproof mattress pad is in the washer, and after that I just need to wash the light blanket, and then we can make up the bed. Since I'm pregnant we have to make it with waterproofing in case my water breaks while I'm in bed, and since we're doing a homebirth we're double making it with waterproof pads under each set of sheets so that if my water does actually break in bed, or if I do part of my labor in the bed and the top set of sheets gets dirty, after the baby's born and it's time for bed or if I just want to get into bed afterward, which I imagine I will, our birth attendants will be able to just strip off the top set of sheets/plastic and the bed will already be made with a fresh set.

Whee...

Anyway - Sweet Pea is absolutely thrilled with the new bed and that we now have a bed big enough for Daddy to sleep in with us too. So tonight all three of us will snuggle in there together. Yay! When the baby's born she will sleep in a co-sleeper snugged up to my side of the bed, like Sweet Pea did for her first 9 months of life.

Well, even though we have made it to my due date and finally gotten the big bedroom clean enough to have the new bed delivered, we still have a bunch of work to do. More boxing up of stuff in the big bedroom (the bed's in there with two computer desks and a book rack - doesn't exactly look or feel like a bedroom yet, and our bedroom furniture & all our clothes are still in the smaller room), even more gathering of birth supplies, and preparation of notes to family, etc. about how to operate the washer and dryer, what Sweet Pea likes to eat (not much!), and very important things like Sweet Pea's OCD yogurt smoothie ritual. Gotta let Grandma know about that in advance so we don't have a screaming Sweet Pea while I'm in labor. ha ha!

Just for kicks, here's how the yogurt smoothie ritual goes:

Adult opens refrigerator.
Sweet Pea selects yogurt smoothie from bottom shelf in fridge door.
Sweet Pea goes and kneels on bench at kitchen table.
Sweet Pea shakes yogurt smoothie.
Sweep Pea hands bottle to adult.
ADULT DOES NOT SHAKE YOGURT SMOOTHIE!
Adult unscrews bottle cap and removes foil cover from top of bottle, then lets go of bottle.
Sweet Pea picks up bottle and slowly and carefully, by herself, pours yogurt smoothie into cup (she's actually very good at this - I only had to tell her once that she had to pour it slowly and carefully so she didn't spill, and she hasn't spilled since).
Sweet Pea picks up lid and attempts to put it on cup.
Adult is usually permitted to hold cup while Sweet Pea is pouring smoothie, and to help put lid on cup if it is a snap-on type. Otherwise, if we're using a screw-on lid, she puts it on by herself.

This is her most OCD ritual so far, though other things do come up from time to time, and it has become really important to her to at least attempt doing most things by herself. I'm thrilled to have her doing stuff by herself and feeling so excited and proud about it. Very good timing. Now if she'll just decide it's time to potty train.

:o)

I'm feeling happier today. Got more things out of the big bedroom - it's almost clean enough to have the new bed delivered - FINALLY! Wahoo!

I've been having more Braxton Hicks contractions today. They come when I make ANY exertion, and I've even had one or two while I've been sitting and resting.

I've spoken with each of my siblings today - they all called to see how things are going - and my parents called too, though I haven't spoken with them yet (yes, I didn't answer because I'm avoiding my dad; see yesterday's post - but then it turned out to be Mom who was calling - I could have handled talking with her).

Slipshod's family is starting to leave messages and call to check up on me, too. His dad's family is having a get-together on Sunday before his dad & stepmom move to Mexico, and his grandma is insisting that I have no excuse not to be there, even if I'm in labor. Crazy people! ha ha

I am a Big, Grumpy Mama

I am so sick of doing all the dishes every night and all the laundry every day. I keep reminding myself that I'm doing this because I need to live in a clean house with clean clothes and towels. It keeps me sane. But often it feels as if ALL I do is take care of the house. And of course the kid, but lately I feel like I'm taking care of the house better/more often than I'm taking care of her, and I worry about what things are going to look like around here when the baby comes and I suddenly stop doing dishes and laundry every day. Whee...

Anyway - it's late and I'm a grump so I'll just finish this with a couple of stupid, unthinking, annoying things my dad has said to me in the last week, the week before my due date:

"You are huge - how big is that baby going to be? Maybe you'll break the record - what is it now, fourteen pounds?" (I think that is the record. I explained to him that it's not all baby in there - there is a lot of fluid as well, and other things...)

"You really are so huge - I hope you don't explode." (This one didn't sound so much like a joke - I think he might truly believe it's possible for a pregnant woman to explode.)

The other day while talking with him on the phone he worried at me out loud, saying things like, "I just hope everything goes okay..." with a meaningful pause afterward. I know that he thinks I'm nuts to do a homebirth, and knowing that, what he said says comes across to me something like, "Gee, I hope you don't die in childbirth - especially since your mother and I won't be home."

Today he left a phone message (I didn't answer because I was just about to walk Sweet Pea to the bedroom for her nap) and sounded all anxious and said, "I hope everything's okay over there." Sounds benign, I know, but he's such a worrier and he's passing his neurosis through the phone lines. I know that he's extra worried now because I'm due Friday and I'm JUST SO HUGE!

Gah. Yes, obviously I am putting this stuff through my own filter before it gets to my brain, I'm just annoyed by the unthinking way he says all this stuff - not considering that RIGHT NOW I really don't want to hear it and he should keep his trap shut. After the baby is safely and happily born at home, he can tell me all about how worried he was, if he really needs to. But you don't lay that stuff on a pregnant woman a week before she's due.

Hair Everywhere!

OMIGOD, yes, I'm linking to an ad, but watching it is SO worth the huge guffaw you'll get. Just make sure you're not drinking anything while watching it. Queen of Spain, this one's for you. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

While I'm at it, and while we're on the subject of "The Crotch Wars," here's another one especially for the guys. This one is a video, not an ad.

And speaking of hair, I forgot to mention that I did get that haircut on Thursday (the one I was supposed to get on Tuesday but which got cancelled the first time around), and I am still freaking out about how short it is. Yesterday when I took a shower I couldn't believe how short it was to run my fingers through. Every time I see my reflection I think that I've been robbed of my locks! The length is what I asked for, but she took off SO much body. I'm used to my hair being fuller at the bottom, but now it's... well, it looks like a cotton ball. I'll try to post a picture later. It seems too long on top and too short on the bottom - which leaves all the curls and body right in the middle around my ears. My sister-in-law says that I just haven't gotten used to it yet. I hope that's true... when I came home from the salon Sweet Pea was shy of me and went across the room to get closer to her auntie while she stared at me and tried to decide if this was really her mommy.

**Later that day...** Okay, here are the pictures. The first - Sweet Pea is just looking so cute, I couldn't help myself. She's holding her "baby mama kitty," which we adults see as a stuffed bear, and it is wearing its diaper from the huge pre-birth diaper delivery we got from our service last week. I can't believe how tiny these diapers are! Had to find room for 80 of them in the changing table, though, along with Sweet Pea's diapers. She has been mothering this toy since I put the diaper on it on Thursday. ha ha!


Here's that shot of my haircut that I promised... I like it better now than I did this morning, but I'm still not sure it's a good cut for me. I don't like how it tapers at the bottom. I'm tempted to go back and have her cut it up to the fuller part, but then it would be REALLY REALLY short.


For kicks I had Slipshod take pictures of my huge belly again. Especially since, due to the cooler weather today, I was wearing the same outfit that I was wearing when we took the first belly shots that I posted. I don't think anybody's going to argue about me being HUGE this time! My belly, I mean. This time I was also sure to tuck my shirt up so you can see where my boobs end and my belly starts. And as you can see, my belly is now too big for me to pull my pants up completely (they don't go that far up, but still... I can't even get them to go up as far as they're supposed to!) and the shirt doesn't cover the rest of it. Whee!

Baby Names

No, I'm not giving anything away. Sorry! You'll find out when the baby's born - if we've decided by then. Slipshod says we can't send out an announcement without a name in it, but I disagree. I think that's perfectly acceptable if you haven't decided yet. And of course I won't be posting her real name on my blog anyway - you'll know her here as Petal, like it says on the baby ticker.

Anyway - I awoke to a very silly toddler this morning. Last night before I went to bed, HOURS after everyone else (because Slipshod fell asleep in front of the TV while I washed the dishes and brought in the clean laundry, grr), I finally sat for a while and searched on girls' names on the Internet (I still don't understand why that word is supposed to be capitalized). So this morning, to keep Sweet Pea amused while I was trying to wake up enough to physically get out of bed, I asked her what she thought about some of the names I had thought sounded good. She said "no" to each name in turn, and instead suggested, after each name that I suggested, "we're going to name the baby Boggle Joggle!"

So a big THANK YOU to MY sister for that. HA HA HA HA HA! She visited us on Wednesday and taught Sweet Pea the Boggle Joggle idea. Silly goof.

Just Thinking "Out Loud"

Does anybody else find it funny that Mr. Cranky Old Potty Mouth himself (George Carlin) narrates the American version of "Thomas And Friends?" And that sweet Miss Spider's voice on "Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends" is done by Charlotte from "Sex and the City" (Kristen Davis)? I've been giggling about stuff like that lately. Granted, Charlotte *was* the sweetest character on the show, but they still showed her having orgasms and talking dirty here and there. It's odd to hear her (if I'm not looking at the screen) saying things like, "Squirt, you'll be late for school; you have to learn to be on time!"

In other news - Sweet Pea woke up this morning and informed me that she would like to sit on her potty to go pee pee and poo poo. So we went to the bathroom, and sure enough, she sat down and peed on her potty! Hooray! I haven't even been suggesting that she use her potty for a while because I've been doing other stuff. But she's showing her own interest, which is what I was waiting for anyway! I'm very happy to see this happening.

Sweet Pea is also talking more and more about her baby sister - probably because we are talking to her about the birth, etc. more often. This morning she hugged my belly and told me she was hugging her baby sister. She does that a lot, and sometimes she also kisses her baby sister, and zerberts her, tickles her, etc. I have still been taking care of all of her diaper changes, baths, naps and bedtimes (well, actually Auntie got her to sleep for one nap last week), and have been getting a little nervous about how much she's going to hate it when I very suddenly stop doing all of that for her for a week or so. I've been telling her that Daddy will be home for two weeks when the baby's born and that after the baby comes Daddy will be giving her baths and getting her to bed, etc. She is often resistant to Daddy doing *anything* for her if I'm around, so I wanted to at least let her know, even if she didn't want to hear it. But yesterday she started telling me that "when the baby comes, Daddy will put me to bed - and I won't cry!" I'm excited to hear that. Not just because the message has sunk in and she knows what's coming, but also because I prepared her before her auntie started coming over every week and at that point she told me that she wouldn't cry when I left to go places while Auntie was with her. And she kept her word! She waved to me out the window as I walked to my car, and then Auntie says Sweet Pea turned around, looked at her and said, "okay, what do you want to play?" ha ha ha! Slipshod has also been telling Sweet Pea how much he's looking forward to spending time with her while he's home after the baby comes, and that he's looking forward to being here at bedtime so he can get her to sleep, etc. Yay!

That's about all that's going on around here. Home and birth preparations continue, but the pace has slowed a little because the main part of the house is pretty much ready, and the tub is set up. Whew. Still need to work on the big room to see if we can get the bed in, but... I think we'll have some help with that this weekend. We'll see how it goes.

Today I finally get to get the haircut that got cancelled on Tuesday.

Oh - and I forgot to mention that I'm tripping about how old I turned yesterday! It was my birthday and I'm 35 - and I can't believe it! HOW did this happen? WHEN? How is it possible that I could be 35? What the heck? Where was I all this time? This is crazy! That's only 5 years from 40! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! My 37-year-old sister has no sympathy.

Finally

**Quick note on the photos: This is the birthing tub we're borrowing from one of our midwives. Last time we rented a big expensive Aqua Doula tub and I barely got in it twice - it didn't help with the back labor because I couldn't get comfortable in it. This one looks more comfortable because it's not totally round with straight sides. Should be easier to lounge in. We've got insulation to put around the edges to make that part softer. Hopefully Wednesday night we'll fill it up and give it a try as a family - ha ha! Sweet Pea is looking forward to getting in the big tub. Not sure if that will happen during labor - hadn't really thought about it - but just playing around beforehand to get the logistics down will be fun.**

Hooray, I've got a few minutes to type. Probably shouldn't really be using my few minutes for this, but here I am anyway... ha ha.

Still got tons to do. Living room and dining room almost ready to my standards, though. Have sort of given up on having the big bedroom cleared and the new bed delivered before the baby's born, although that will create problems. I just know that focusing on it is causing me a great deal of stress and since we're doing as much as we can, I need to just give it up and we'll get the new bed and move into that room when we get the new bed and move into that room. The birth tub is here, in the dining room, just waiting for the table & chairs to be dismantled and put out on the back covered porch so it can claim the whole room. We still need to wash it out and practice filling it to see how long it takes, if we have enough hot water, etc.

Had an interesting prenatal visit last week. As I mentioned in the previous post, our refresher birth course brought up a lot of emotional stuff for me from my first labor. I've been working through that mostly by talking with Slipshod and others, but also through writing that last post. At our prentatal last week, we arrived and I took Sweet Pea to the toy basket to get her set up to play while Slipshod and I sat and talked with one of our midwives and her assistant. As I passed the couch our midwife said, "so, just a couple more weeks!" The fear rose in me and I scowled and said in a low voice, "yeah." Then I realized how awful that must look and said, "of course it's a good thing, I've just been rehashing my first labor and lots of stuff has been coming up." She said, "what's going on?"

As I sat and started telling her about it, I started bawling. She got me a box of tissues and encouraged me to go on. I talked through it - told her the realizations I had made, what's been coming up, etc. I think I got most of it out. When we left, even though I felt even more confused about exactly what's bothering me, I felt SO much better. So relieved. I think that just crying about it did a ton of good for me.

Since then I've of course still been thinking about it, trying to figure out what else I need to rid myself of before going into labor again. But of course the packing and cleaning is always here too. It's so difficult to get that sort of thing done with Sweet Pea around wanting to play all the time, but I do have help here and there from family, so progress continues to be made. I feel like there is absolutely no way we'll be as ready as I want to be - which is probably true - but I have to keep trying.

But at the same time, I'm completely exhausted and probably shouldn't be using all my energy to clean right now. I'm also staying up way too late trying to make sure the dishes are always done before I go to bed, and that sort of thing.

Isn't there any way to clone a non-pregnant version of myself that could be taking care of this stuff?!


That's my girl. She's a good scrubber. She loved helping me "fwub the birf tub."

EEP!

We've been busy. We are working our butts off. We keep having to call in the grandparents and aunties to play with Sweet Pea so we can keep cleaning. A lot is getting done, but the room that's supposed to be getting cleared for a new bed is just not there yet. And Slipshod keeps buying flowers that need to be planted outside quickly so they don't dry out or get rootbound in their pots. It's great, really - the yards are getting more and more cheerful looking, and gardening is something that Slipshod and Sweet Pea do together on weekend mornings while I take a shower. It just takes away from the time Slipshod spends inside working on clearing the room.

Today Slipshod apparently said to Sweet Pea while they were out planting in the back yard, "I like spending time with you." Later, when I was getting Sweet Pea settled for her nap she said to me, "I like spending time with you." I said, "I like spending time with you too, sweetie!" Then she told me that her daddy had said that to her earlier (or maybe I asked her about that part, I can't remember), and she went on to tell me that she replied to him, "Yes! I like spending time with you and Mommy and Sweet Pea!" hee hee heeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Omigosh, she is just so endearing. It's a REALLY good defense mechanism. ha ha. Not that she needs a ton of that - she's pretty easygoing most of the time. Though 2 going on 3 is definitely getting more challenging for Slipshod and I as parents.

Last week it hit me pretty hard that I really was spending way more time worrying about getting the house decluttered/packed/cleaned than even thinking about labor, much less preparing myself for it. Wednesday evening Slipshod and I left Sweet Pea at home with her grandparents and went to our prenatal appointment (she usually goes with us) and then stayed for a refresher course on homebirth. There was another couple there who are having their third child, but first homebirth. It was fun to sit and chat with them and our midwife's assistant (our midwife was out of town). The assistant showed us a couple movies, one of them rather clinical explaining the stages of labor and all that, interspersed with video of real women in real labor. The others were amazing videos of homebirths which were really inspiring to watch.

It was very good for me to sit and focus on birth for a couple hours. But that night after coming home I felt really sad. I couldn't put my finger on why right away; I had to talk with Slipshod for a while before I worked through it. A couple of different realizations came out of my pondering. First, that I am simply not ready for labor. Hopefully I still have a couple weeks to work my mind toward it - I carried Sweet Pea to 40 weeks, so I will probably carry this baby that long as well, but you just never know - this baby is technically term now (the definition of which falls between 37 & 40 weeks), so she may be ready to come out at any time over the next few weeks.

The second realization was true and honest grief over the change that is about to happen to my relationship with Sweet Pea. We are so close, and I don't want that to change. I love being her mommy, and for a while I even thought about not having any more kids so that our relationship wouldn't have to be disrupted by a sibling. But ultimately I knew that if Slipshod and I were able to have another child, we should, because every only child I've ever known asked for siblings somewhere along the way. And I know that once Sweet Pea gets used to having a sibling, she will love it and the two of them will have a wonderful time growing up together. I learned a lot from my siblings so I know that she and her little sister will teach each other a lot too.

Sweet Pea ADORES babies, but I am pretty sure that having one actually living with us 24x7x365 will be a much different experience for her than playing with babies during play group or while visiting other friends. I have been concerned for a while about how difficult of a transition having a new baby will be for Sweet Pea. Now I am seeing how difficult it already is for me too!

But getting back to labor. I think that I have been putting off thinking about it. Finding ways and reasons not to deal with the reality that it is coming, and soon. I am hoping to post my first birth story when I go into labor, so at that time, if you have a couple days to read and someone to bring you meals while you do so, you will be able to understand, if you choose to actually read it all, what kind of baggage I am coming into this labor with.

Here's the short version: I felt the first twinges of labor, which for a while I mistook for gas pains, at 5am on July 22. Most of that day was simple and easy early labor, and early in the day it would even go away when I rested or took a shower. By bedtime that night it was still quite manageable, but I couldn't sleep through it. By 7am on July 23rd my midwife said that I was in hard labor. At 7:30am on July 24th I STILL, after a day, had not progressed past 3cm, so at my midwife's instruction we transferred to the hospital, where I, again at her instruction, got an epidural and was finally able to rest a bit. Then I got some pitocin, and after three and a half hours of pushing, pushed Sweet Pea out at 6:28pm on July 24th.

My midwife called it "pro dromo labor," I think because my contractions never became regular throughout the entire labor. Additionally, when Sweet Pea came out, we saw that her umbilical cord had been wrapped twice around one of her thighs, which certainly must have had something to do with her not being in the position to push against the cervix to help it open.

So you can imagine that I don't want to go through that again. Everyone keeps telling me, "Sweet Pea paved the way, your second labor will be so much shorter and easier," and all that sort of stuff. And I love to hear that, but for some reason I am having a very difficult time actually believing it. Especially since this baby, just like her sister, has at the end of the pregnancy turned posterior.

Yes, my three days of labor with Sweet Pea was ALL back labor. It fucking SUCKED. And I REALLY don't want to do that again.

But what has me a bit mystified is what exactly I am resisting here. I know that I can deal with a significant amount of pain, and four days of no sleep (I did not sleep much or well the night before I went into labor) at the same time. During my first labor, I NEVER ASKED TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL. I NEVER ASKED FOR DRUGS. Those are points of pride with me. And also that after everything I had been through already, I was still able to push Sweet Pea out on my own, despite the 17 people (I am not exaggerating) who worked at the hospital who were crowded around me actually holding things like forceps and a vacuum inches from Sweet Pea's crowning head. Thank goodness that Slipshod, our midwife, and my sister were there. I seriously believe to this day that if anyone had done anything besides let me push the baby out on my own, my sister would have jumped on them and ripped their heads off. She knew that wasn't what I wanted, and even though I was starting to think maybe that wasn't such a bad idea (that's how they get you in hospitals), she fought them off all but physically.

Anyway - I guess what worries me most is that this baby is posterior. Technically she still has time to move around, and she will probably get into the right position when the time comes. But I am also worried that she is staying posterior because like her sister she may be stuck in the cord.

I REALLY want this labor to be much shorter than my first and to end at home with a healthy baby and mom. So why am I focusing on what might go wrong? I feel like I'm setting myself up for problems. Like I should be focusing on what I WANT to happen, and talking to the baby about what she needs to do, rather than freaking out about what happened the first time happening again. But somehow I can't seem to let go of the negative stuff. I really, really need to do that.

If this labor starts as mildly as my first, I am planning to try to get on here to post briefly. Not just to plop up my first birth story, but predominantly to ask for your good wishes, prayers, good vibes, that you keep me in your thoughts, and any other form of positivity anyone reading it might be willing to send my way. So keep checking... my due date is anywhere from May 29th to June 2nd (or later, we'll see how things go...). Or sooner, if the baby decides it's time.

Dream a Little Dream

Once upon a time, in an alternate reality, there was a very pregnant mama who was completely rested. Each day when she awoke to find her toddler daughter doing yoga poses over her head to wake her up (that part is from my actual reality, btw - Sweet Pea does "downward facing dog" over my head on my pillow, putting her face into mine, sometimes touching her nose to mine - LOL), she smiled and arose gracefully, fully refreshed and ready for the day ahead. She knew exactly what food she had on hand and what she was going to easily throw together for each healthy meal of the day. And her daughter happily ATE said food, while sitting relatively still, using utensils, and wearing a bib. Her husband even came home at 5:30 every day and ate dinner with the family.

Now this mama, despite her advanced pregnancy, was no slouch when it came to thinking of games to play and activities to do with her daughter, and she always had enough time to get the little one out into the sunshine for a bit of play in the sand box and a nice run around the back yard, which was partially shaded by two lusciously leaved, tall trees. In this household the TV was rarely turned on and the little girl knew the words to countless songs and rhymes and could entertain herself happily for an hour at at time.

During these respites, the mama, having nothing pressing to do in the way of housework, packing, or nesting, would walk without fear of tripping on toys to the living room and lounge luxuriously on her clean couch and read whatever book she chose. She had so much reading time that she was able to enjoy several books per month.

At 36 weeks pregnant she was fully prepared with her birth kit and other necessary items for a home birth, had picked up the birthing tub from the other locals who recently borrowed it from the midwife, and was completely mentally prepared for her second labor. She was eating well every day and taking daily walks with her daughter and had no fear of running into complete exhaustion during labor. She had a doula hired who she knew and felt comfortable with and knew what visualizations she would try first when labor got rough. She had every confidence that her husband would be fully present for her during her labor, both emotionally and physically. She was not worried about her daughter coming to her crying during labor because she (daughter) missed her (mama's) normal constant presence. She was not worried about her daughter accepting the baby as a new member of the family.

This mama was so lucky that her house magically stayed clean all the time. The new bed she and her husband had recently shopped for could be delivered immediately because they had a whole clean room just sitting around waiting. She never had to deal with stupid things like the local pharmacy running out of her prenatal multivitamin and giving her three pills instead of 90 and not saying a word about the shortage while charging her husband for a full bottle.

One day the mama forgot to drink one of her six glasses of water. But that was the worst things ever got.

**Note: Top photo taken by good friend Shawna Scherbarth, whose glorious travel photography may be viewed here. Top photo also taken during my first pregnancy in 2003. This time around my belly is sporting many more stretch marks - and frequently lots of butterfly stickers, since Sweet Pea seems to believe that's where butterfly stickers belong. Hee. Bottom photo taken by Slipshod.

***Another Note: In case anyone is concerned, I DO have my birth kit - I've had it for a couple weeks. It's just not unpacked in a central location yet, and there is another list almost as long as the list of what's in the birth kit of other stuff that I still need to gather and put in the same location.

You've Gotta See This

Go over to the Queen of Spain's blogspot and check out the Kaiser's new design for the Queen's newly coined title, "Stay-at-Home Feminist." Heeeeeee! If you haven't read what sparked the creation of this coolness, go read this post.

I Feel Boring

There has been a ton going on around here, but it just hasn't seemed like bloggable stuff. Oh well - here once again goes my scattered laundry list.

Saturday we had some help from Slipshod's sister and brother-in-law and we got a bunch more stuff moved to storage AND Slipshod got some planting done out front. He's got some drip hoses set up, so he was able to plant all the way out front down by the sidewalk (along the driveway). He put in five cute little potato (the decorative kind, not the edible kind) bushes with purple flowers. Then yesterday Sweet Pea helped him do some planting in the back yard in some pots. They planted the strawberry plants they had brought home the previous weekend, and Sweet Pea reported to me that after she and her daddy had put the strawberry plants into bigger pots, the plants had said, "THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!" Ha ha ha!

So the yard is perking up and the back porch looks TONS cleaner. Yay! Unfortunately, we didn't get much out of the room we're trying to empty and make back into a big bedroom...

But speaking of that room, and beds - yesterday Sweet Pea got to spend the day here at home with Grandma and Grandpa while Slipshod and I FINALLY went bed shopping! We spent a ton of time trying out different beds at Sleep Train. We tried Sleep Number, Tempurpedic, and other mattresses. It was really quite a restful way to spend an afternoon; I just wish I could have actually taken a nap there! ha ha! We bought a bed (Cal King, upgrading from a very old double sized, so YAY! CAN'T WAIT!!), but since we still don't have a room to put it in, the heat is on to get the rest of our junk out of the "office"... and I have NO idea when or how we're going to get the room ready. I obviously can't do a lot of moving of stuff in my current condition, and Slipshod can't even do as much as I can, due to his radial tendonitis and carpal tunnel (in both arms). Ugh. He's feeling pretty down about being all gimpy right now. It's horrible timing. But, what can ya do? Hopefully we'll still be able to manage to move stuff this week. I'd love to have our new bed delivered next weekend if possible.

OF NOTE on the subject of beds and bedding: If, Queen of Spain and other co-sleeping and/or expecting parents or anyone else wanting to protect your mattress, you have been looking for that "non-crunchy" plastic mattress pad someone was talking about a while back: Here it is. And this price is HALF what they were asking in the bed store. We were really impressed with it at the store. It is terrycloth on the front and some kind of very thin, very soft and malleable plastic on the back. Somehow it is both waterproof AND breathable. I don't understand how that is possible, but they had a piece of the fabric stretched over the mouth of a small canning jar full of Windex, with the middle part of the lid gone and just the ring screwed on to hold the fabric in place. You could smell the Windex through the fabric, but you could turn the jar upside down and NOTHING came through. Wild! It's also washable and dryable!

Changing gears: Today I am once again ready to commit catricide. Clark's going down. He is being SUCH a feline ASS today. It's been a long time since he has tested me like this, and I thought he had gotten over it. Actually, he does this when he doesn't get enough attention. I had been pretty good about snuggling both cats every day for the past two or three weeks, but for the past couple days I haven't been spending much time with them, and they're letting me know. But he needs to learn that acting out at every available opportunity is not the way to get me to pet him. Idiot. After he finally pushed me too far this morning I grabbed him by his scruff and took him to the garage, ready to stick him in the cat carrier and leave him there for the rest of the day. But the cat carrier wasn't there. I called Slipshod and he said, "oops, we took it to storage." OOPS, indeed. Argh. I may end up sticking Clark in a cardboard box in the garage instead. Too bad we've only got one that's big enough for several of him. He'll probably have fun being locked in a big box. Grrr. Today's transgressions include but are not limited to: knocking my water glass over when I went to grab him when he was going to drink it, and jumping INTO my plate, ONTO MY FOOD. Oh, no. I freakin' rule here. Not him. HE WILL LEARN. Did I mention that said cat is an ASS? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!

Well, Sweet Pea took a good nap yesterday after no naps for two days (followed by 11 1/2 hour nights). Today she woke up early and is now napping, but she really didn't want to, so I hope she at least stays asleep long enough for me to get an uninterrupted shower. Better go start the water!

Only One Month Left - Maybe!

I think the baby dropped yesterday. I didn't notice when Sweet Pea dropped (an entire month before her birth), but yesterday I started noticing that my belly looked lower. And it felt lower. And EVERY time I stand up, I have to run to the bathroom! Make that waddle. I haven't been able to run or even walk normally for a long time.

Last night I fell asleep worrying about delivering early. There's still so much to do - we're not ready. But after 9 hours in bed last night which, despite being interrupted by potty breaks and sore hips, was rather restful, I feel ready to get going again today. But I've decided I'd better switch my focus a little, away from so much cleaning and toward gathering the rest of the items we need to have on hand for the birth! Could be important... and our midwives don't even know how to get to our house. I should probably send directions. And print directions to the hospital in case we need to transfer. And interview doulas and hire one (we're not 100% sure both midwives will be able to be here for the birth and would like to have another person on hand) And stuff like that. Whee...

Turbo Nesting

Call in the bulldozers and bring me some gasoline! I want this place CLEAN. I want the clutter OUT and GONE. I want to feel like this is a comfortable place to have a baby.

Unfortunately, I still haven't figured out how to make a lot of cleaning fun for Sweet Pea. She often loves to use her little feather duster to help me dust, and sometimes she will carry the vacuum cleaner cord around behind me as I move about the house, or she will want me to hold her so she can "help" me push it. But mostly she stands up on the furniture in fear of the beast that sucks. And encourages me to use it to try to suck up the poor kitties. Oh, how they suffer at her hands... or would if she were bigger and knew how to use machines - and wasn't afraid of them. She will often play in the sink next to me while I wash the dishes, but not always... and it is difficult to sort through objects and old mail while trying to play with her. So I don't feel like all that much is being accomplished. By me, anyway.

So yesterday morning after we got up and I dawdled on the computer a bit and we ate a bite of breakfast, I ashamedly sat Sweet Pea in front of the TV and then went to take a shower. After that I started a load of laundry and then vacuumed the house. That was WAY too much time in front of the TV for her and I was completely exhausted by the end of my work - but it sure did help my mental state after being away all weekend and coming back to dirty dishes and dirty laundry (going away always creates more dirty laundry because we take our Aerobed and sheets). I still have to gain control of the place, but having that stuff started/done really helped, and over the course of the day I was able to catch up with all of the clothing laundry (sheets still dirty, but those I can easily get done today - yay!). Last night before bed I caught up with the dishes and shined the sink. I am gaining more control. Yay!

Interestingly, I have noticed lately when looking through old pictures of when Sweet Pea was born that our house was WAY more cluttered then. It looks so much better now that I can't imagine how it can possibly still feel cluttered to me. Probably because it is. I don't know how I lived here like that when even with the current amount of clutter, and progress being made in small increments more often and pretty regularly, I am ready to crawl out of my skin.

Anyway, the thought has arisen that maybe I wasn't able to give birth at home the first time because I didn't feel comfortable enough here. Even though as soon as I say that I don't believe it, because that thought/feeling NEVER occurred to me while I was in labor (plus she had a leg wrapped in the umbilical cord and I feel that that was the biggest hindrance to labor progressing), it sticks in my head as a reason to get this place as clean and decluttered as possible in the next four weeks, just to make sure that the clutter won't interfere this time (since this time I am very aware of and bothered by it).

Yesterday Sweet Pea asked me to read the "Where Do Babies Come From" book to her. I thought she meant the one that explains where baby plants, ducks, kitties, and humans come from - the one that talks about eggs and sperm and all that. But she wanted to read and talk about the Dr. Sears book "Baby On The Way," which made me even happier, because that one is more about the process of me being pregnant and her becoming an older sister. It talks about what will happen when I go into labor, and gives pages to discuss (we paraphrase some pages to fit our situation) what she will be doing while I'm in labor, who is taking care of her, etc.

I finally asked her if she wants to see the baby actually be born, after explaining where the baby comes out, etc. very clearly and she said, "yes!" I hope that will be possible. If the baby is born at night and Sweet Pea is sleeping I am certainly not going to have anybody wake her up. But if she is home and awake, I would love for her to see the birth first-hand.

Links to the "Mommy Wars."

The Queen of Spain brought it up the other day: The Mommy Wars.

I've been really into Christina's Mommy Wars posts lately - check out this one from Tuesday and then the next from Wednesday.

My own rant below (which, again, I meant to have on the top today) has been building for some time and although it doesn't sound like it on the surface, I think it plays into what Christina is ranting about. We need paid family leave for working moms and dads when a new baby is born. When our little one comes in June, Slipshod will be taking his two weeks of vacation time and then going back to work, so that he doesn't have to take any unpaid time off. Why isn't there any paid paternal leave? He should be able to use that instead of vacation time.

Now, read my rant below if you haven't already. I got my blood pressure all worked up thinking about this stuff last night, and again today. Grrrr.

Traditional, My Ass.

Many people have described the situation Slipshod and I live in as "traditional," because he works for a company and provides monetarily (and these days grocerily as well - like my new word?) for the family while I stay home and raise the kid, take care of the pets and the house, etc.

Well, I think that either I have a very 50's idea of what a "traditional" arrangement is, or people who describe our situation that way have NO idea what our life is really like.

Consider the present moment, for example. It's 9:45pm. Sweet Pea has had a big day since she waved goodbye to her daddy as he drove off to work at 8am, and now she is in bed, snoozing away. Slipshod isn't home yet. He did actually call an hour ago and say he was leaving work. IF that actually occurred at the stated time (he often gets grabbed on his way out the door and calls again an hour or more later apologizing, saying, "I really am leaving now..."), then he will probably stop somewhere on the way home to pick up some shit fast food for dinner. For the most part, he doesn't eat at home (only on weekends and sometimes Friday nights).

So as I see it, there are three big components to our life that don't match up with "traditional": Daddy working 12 or more hours per day at the office, barely seeing his child during the week, and not eating at home.

We also have projects around the house that I won't be doing either due to pregnancy, unfamiliarity with the power tools, or the fact that I can't safely do them with Sweet Pea around, so on the weekends often Slipshod will bust his butt building cabinets, dragging stuff to storage, etc. And those are things that toddlers need to not be present for because they could get in the way and somebody could get hurt. So Daddy busts his butt at the office during the week and in other places on the weekend, and Mommy feels like a married single parent 24x7x365.

So what is this? The new traditional? It's fantastic that Slipshod's job brings in enough income that we can afford for me to stay home and raise Sweet Pea (and soon her little sister). But y'know what? These girls need a daddy too. And Mommy needs a freakin' break every three months or so.

I don't know what the answer is. Sometimes Slipshod talks about quitting high-tech and becoming a teacher or something. We can live in a shack somewhere and be poor but happy because we'd be able to see each other every day and actually spend time together. But then he wouldn't be able to afford his expensive toys anymore. And I might not be able to get my dream sewing machine (someday).

Isn't there a middle ground?

Recently I've noticed that when I hear about daddies being present for dinner and their children's bedtimes, I automatically assume that they are either stay-at-home dads, or they work some crazy off shift that allows them to be home during family time hours. Then I really think about it and realize that those people are living normal lives, and we're the skewed ones here. We're so stuck in our Silicon bubble that we know lots of other families that are in the same situation we are, and have come to think this is normal.

But it's not. And it SUCKS. Mommy is not enough for the kids. I mean, obviously single parents have to raise their children alone. But if there are actually two parents attached to the family, they should both be there, both be raising the kids. Use what you've got, y'know?

I sometimes remind Slipshod that he will never get this time back with Sweet Pea. He has to find a way to be home more. He is trying.

One of our problems is getting to bed too late, which means he goes in to work later, and then has to stay later. But as I mentioned, there are also very frequently days, weeks or even months when he works many more, sometimes many more, than 8 hours per day. That is because every company Slipshod has ever worked for has been a start-up. At least things are MUCH better than the days when he worked in IT and would get called in at all hours of the night to fix the network before normal business hours the next morning. But start-ups don't care that their employees are frequently burnt out and running on fumes. If they're going to succeed as a company, they need workaholics who will give blood, sweat and tears to the company over the needs of their families.

Anyway... I guess I'm rambling now. Just had to get this out. It's been driving me nuts lately. Because, if you look up at the baby ticker, I am 35 weeks pregnant (the ticker uses Friday to count, we use Thursday). I will be in labor soon. We will have a newborn soon, and toddler (not to mention her parents) trying to adjust to having a new family member. Slipshod's company is going to have to figure out how to live without him for two weeks. And if they call him on the phone, so help me goddess, I will come down on them with a vengeance so great, he may not have a job to return to!

We Have a Diagnosis

This morning we took Sweet Pea to her appointment with the pediatric neurologist. After I described Sweet Pea's two most recent falling & passing out episodes, the doctor checked her reflexes (they're barely even there! I think he said they call those +1 reflexes - whatever that means) and looked in her eyes, etc.

Then he told us that what I described to him is called Pallid Syncope. At least she has the "Pallid" kind where she turns pale, rather than Cyanotic Syncope, which causes the child to turn BLUE. Eeek!

What happens is that when she hurts herself, and it doesn't even have to be that bad of a fall, Sweet Pea will stop breathing and not enough blood will be in her heart to pump to her head, so she will pass out. For her this is brought on by pain stimulus. It is also normal for kids to make "clonic arm movements" which may look like a seizure, though so far Sweet Pea has not demonstrated that symptom.

Anyway, our family doctor referred us to the neurologist because he was concerned that Sweet Pea may possibly be having seizures, epileptic or otherwise. But the neurologist said that her symptoms match up so neatly to Pallid Syncope that he doesn't believe an EEG is really necessary.

He said that Sweet Pea will experience more of these episodes before they go away, but they will probably be gone by the time she's 5 years old. He also said that unless her symptoms change, he is not worried about the possibility of epilepsy - especially since nobody in either my or Slipshod's families have epilepsy.

Pallid Syncope is genetic. The neurologist asked if either of us had ever had passing out episodes. All of mine have been dehydration related, except for the time I fell flat on my back on a wooden gym floor after not being spotted while doing a flip off a mini trampoline (asshole coach - I told him to spot me!). But that only lasted seconds.

Slipshod, however, had an episode when he was a teenager which also matches the symptoms of Pallid Syncope. His was not brought on by a pain stimulus as Sweet Pea's are - his was brought on by fear because his dad had been bitten by a horse. Once Slipshod was sure that his dad was going to be okay, he went stiff as a board and fell over backward (from standing), then had some jerky arm movements happening. I don't think he was ever diagnosed with anything, but it only happened once.

And apparently Slipshod's mom used to have episodes like this when she was a kid, also brought on by pain.

The neurologist said that the only situations in which Pallid Syncope can actually be life-threatening would be if an incident occurred while Sweet Pea was in the bathtub or swimming pool. But of course we'd be with her and watching her the whole time in either of those situations.

He also said that the best thing to do when she has one of these episodes is to leave her on the floor if that's where she falls, or hold her on her back, and put her legs in the air - just like my sister did the last time this happened. The blood will get to her head faster that way, which will "bring her back" from her passed out state more quickly.

It is also normal for her to want to rest afterward. After every episode she has had so far, Sweet Pea has wanted to nap immediately after she "comes to," but every time I have been afraid that she might have bonked her head hard enough to give herself a concussion so I have made her stay awake at least long enough for me to shine a light in her eyes and make sure they dilate and relax (can't think of the term for that...) correctly. But the neurologist said that these episodes are an exhausting thing for the body to go through, so wanting to sleep afterward is another symptom and should be allowed so that Sweet Pea can recover.

He gave us a copy of an article to read that is almost identical to the link I put above in this post.

While this is a scary thing to deal with as a parent, Slipshod and I are thankful to have a diagnosis that is so clear-cut. We were both concerned that we would see the neurologist and perhaps have tests done and then be told, "she seems normal - we don't know what it is." We're also happy to hear that it will go away!

Mother, Murderess

I horrified my daughter today.

Let me begin this story with an explanation of her character.

You see, Sweet Pea forms bonds with... well, everything. She does love people, and of course pets, but she also has favorite toys, as I suppose all kids do. But they're not necessarily the same toys from day to day, and her particular fondness can as easily be showered on a paper cutout of a fish as a stuffed animal. Or a can of tomato sauce. Or an egg.

Once she chooses a friend, she always wants me to "talk it" for her. She will hand me whatever she's currently loving and I will have to make it say, "hello, Sweet Pea, how are you today?" and then she will pour forth an explanation of what she has been doing, or what she is about to do, or what she just did, or what Mommy just told her, etc. Sometimes she will feed me my lines. "Mama, have it ask me where the ballie is." Often she will tell me exactly what to make her "friend" say AND what she is going to tell it in reply.

Last weekend while we were visiting Grandma and Grandpa, Auntie and Uncle and their pet bunny were also visiting. Grandma had hard boiled two dozen eggs before we arrived and Saturday night Auntie (my sis) got six cups of dye made up and she sat with Sweet Pea on her lap for a good hour or so and they had a jolly time decorating Easter eggs. This was the first time Sweet Pea had gotten to do this and she had a ton of fun and was also very gentle with the eggs (which I only mention because although she has a great capacity for gentleness, we didn't know a 2yr. 8month-old could do so well with two dozen eggs - she only dropped and cracked one).

Sweet Pea kept wanting to look at all the colored eggs and had particular favorites among them (some of the ones we put the shrinky plastic things on and then dyed). When we left for home on Sunday, Grandma sent an entire dozen of the decorated eggs with us. Sweet Pea has enjoyed taking them out and looking at them, having me "talk them," introducing them to her kitties, etc.

So you can imagine where the trouble started...

Today after Sweet Pea awoke from her nap, we went to the kitchen to rustle up some grub for lunch. I hardly ever actually meal plan, so usually we go to the kitchen for a meal (any meal) and I open the refrigerator, freezer, and pantry (yes, one at a time in that order) to see what we have. Today I remembered out loud, "oh yeah, we have all those hard boiled eggs - we'll have egg salad!" Sweet Pea likes egg salad. A lot. And that's saying something - this kid doesn't have a lot of interest in eating in general, so her having a food preference is one of those experiences for me where the clouds open up and light shines down and choirs of angels sing.

So I announced to her that we were going to make egg salad for lunch. Sweet Pea seemed pleased. I asked if she wanted to help me make it, because she loves to help me cook. "Yes! I want to measure!" she chirped in reply. We put the stepladder up to the counter and I, aware that breaking her colored eggs might cause her some distress, told her so it wouldn't be such a shock, "we're going to use the Easter eggs that Grandma gave us, so we're going to have to break a couple of them."

She looked at me.

I took out two eggs, the two with the worst cracks (some had cracked when they were cooking, so the one Sweet Pea dropped wasn't the only cracked egg in the two dozen), and smashed them and started peeling the shells off and throwing the shells into the sink.

Sweet Pea freaked. She started whining and asked me to stop. I explained to her that these are just eggs, this is what egg salad is made of (I expect that was a big mistake; now she'll never want to eat it again!), and this is what eggs look like when you cook them before you take them out of the shell. I told her I was going to chop them up and we'd mix in some mayo and other things and I tried to continue on to the sandwich idea, but she was crying by then, since I was now chopping up the first egg, and she begged me to stop. She pulled the remnants of the eggshells out of the sink and tried to put them back on the eggs. She begged me to put the shells back on.

At this point I realized the depth of her distress due to her attachment to these egg friends, and how much I was therefore terrorizing her by chopping up her friends in front of her.

We had applesauce, buttered bread, and cheese for lunch.

I wonder what she thinks of me now... the horror, the horror!

Fresh Outlook

I needed a color change. No matter what the sky might be saying, it's Spring, dammit! So here it is, I've chosen a new template. And lost all my links. And I still need to put white backgrounds on the Lilypie tickers so you can actually read them. BTW, if you're one of those people who thinks those are really annoying, just know that they are there more for me than for you. I need to be reminded of how close we are getting to Sweet Pea's next birthday (going to have to order party supplies soon to have that all together before baby's born), and freak myself out daily about how soon I'll be going into labor.

Now go read the next post - that's the one I meant to have on top today. I'll deal with the Lilypie and links details later. Been away from the kid for too long. Not sure what she's been cutting with the scissors or what she's currently drawing on with pens.

Easter Review

...And how was your Easter? Or Passover, or Bunny Day, or *weekend,* as the case may be? Ours was nice. This year we got to spend it with family instead of at the ER with a frighteningly dehydrated sick toddler. SO much better this year.

This morning Sweet Pea had her first Easter Egg hunt at Grandma and Grandpa's - inside the house, because, as has been happening nonstop of late, it was pouring down rain outside. Last night she had a GREAT time dying two dozen eggs with her Auntie, but we decided we'd better not let the Easter Bunny hide those inside for fear of dying the furniture. So instead, while Sweet Pea was very briefly in the bathroom with me getting dressed, having her hair combed (a rarity but she was distracted by a basket of seashells that needed to be sorted through, hooray) and having a diaper change, the Easter Bunny & Crew quickly hid a whole bunch of brightly colored plastic eggs around the living room. They were stuffed with stickers, window clings, and parmesan Goldfish crackers. No candy. The Easter Bunny checked with me last week. I love the Easter Bunny.

We got some super-cute video of Sweet Pea getting more and more excited as the egg hunt went on, as she got the hang of it and started looking a little more carefully and finding eggs with little to no help. Her Easter basket was/is an adorable multi-pocketed canvas ladybug bag. Once she had found all the eggs (we think), she sat down and we opened up a lot of them and she was absolutely thrilled with the jelly-like window clings and only wanted those. She stuck the clings and a zillion butterfly stickers on my belly. The butterfly stickers are still there... Ha ha!



Then Sweet Pea got ahold of my digital camera. Here are some of my favorites out of the zillion shots she took. A lot of her shots were taken about an inch or two away from her subject, producing lots of pretty, bright, abstract photos, but I can only show 5 photos per post, and you don't want to see them all anyway...

Bear With Me - Thinking Out Loud In Progress

Is it a bad thing that Sweet Pea hums the tune to the theme song for "Daria?" Heh... At least she doesn't sing the words ("You're standing on my neck!").

Yesterday we had a freaky day. It was, like, *bright* outside. For once Sweet Pea didn't have to ask when she woke up, "Mama, is it morning?" There was this big huge shining thing in the sky that was hard to look at, and the streets and sidewalks were dry all day, and it was HOT out! I don't know what that big bright hot thing in the sky was, but Sweet Pea and I took advantage of there being no rain and spent a good part of the day in the back yard. Sweet Pea even decided it was time to have her first naked backyard play day. We had a really good time, though I got super tired.

Now on the subject of potty training - I keep asking myself why I am harboring some stress about this. What is the big deal? Yes, it was a huge bummer when Sweet Pea seemed like she was ready to be finished potty training and then completely reverted. But she's not even 3 yet, and everything I'm reading says that she's still young enough to not be emotionally ready. At some point she WILL decide it's time, and start using her potty again/all the time. Just because she has friends very close to her age who are already trained doesn't mean anything. They're ready. She's not. That's okay.

I really think it's my mom in my head that's causing the thoughts that cause the stress that I keep noticing here and there. Last time she visited she told me that shortly after the baby's born, she thinks I'll be forcing Sweet Pea to potty train. She thinks I should be forcing Sweet Pea right now so she'll be done before the baby's born. She SO doesn't get Slipshod's and my non-forcing parenting style. I don't understand the old way of thinking (I guess that's not accurate, it's just a different way of thinking. I associate it with older generations, but there are plenty of people in my generation who feel the way my mom does, and parent the way she did). What on Earth is wrong with letting things take their natural course? Labor, for example, when there's not an emergent reason to interfere. But I digress.

However, in the mean time, until Sweet Pea DOES potty train for real... I've been trying to decide what to do about diapers. I stopped making Sweet Pea lie down for diaper changes when I felt that she, the baby, and I were probably all in danger from her flailing limbs. So now she has all her diaper changes standing up, and I don't chase her around anymore - she has to come stand in front of me for the change. Most often she's pretty good about that, if she's not in the middle of playing with friends or running around for some other reason when I decide it's diaper change time. However - it is extremely difficult to put fresh cotton diapers on her while she is standing. I've also been putting double cotton diapers on her because the changes are so difficult that I do them less often. Probably not the best policy, but dammit, I'm 33 weeks pregnant and as such I'm huge, constantly exhausted, and I'm just doing the best I can.

I put disposable diapers on Sweet Pea at night because even though she has been dry in the mornings for almost a year now, she has often peed in her diaper by the time I can drag my sorry ass out of bed. And she pees a lot in the morning. So even with a double cotton diaper, she sometimes leaks on the bed (or my lap, or whatever). So, we've got disposables in the house. They're looking more and more tempting, and coming into daytime use as well, due to how much easier they are to change. I feel guilty about this, but at the same time I've got to take care of myself however I can. I also don't want to go to disposables from cotton because she can't feel her pee so much in the disposables, and taking a step backward from potty training seems completely dumb at this point in time.

But, Sweet Pea has demonstrated that since she is simply not interested in potty training right now, she absolutely DOES NOT CARE if her diaper is wet or poopy or how much of either - even if it's cotton and she can totally feel it.

I think I have found the solution. I don't want to stop our diaper service since we're going to start getting newborn diapers very soon (yes, I'm continuing cotton diapers with the baby - it will be a while before she can wiggle enough to make diaper changes miserable - plus, I won't be pregnant when she's that wiggly, so I'll be better able to deal with things!), but I think that due to the above described changing difficulties I'm finished with cotton for Sweet Pea. Yesterday it finally occurred to me that I had heard or read somewhere that I could get cotton AND/OR disposables delivered by our diaper service. I looked on their website and they do deliver Tushies brand disposables. They are very against disposables, but apparently feel that if their customers insist on using a mix or want disposables delivered, they should offer the best thing they can find. So Tushies are filled with cotton mixed with non-chlorinated wood pulp and there is no gel, and they're free of most, if not all, of the chemicals that regular disposables have. Since they are not gel diapers, the kid can still feel the wetness, so apparently you get the ease of disposables with the feel of a cotton diaper. They actually recommend them for potty training, I suppose for that reason.

So, here we go. Slipshod says I've stuck with cotton diapers for a much longer time than he thinks most people do. I thought that most people who chose cotton stuck with it all the way through, but he's not so sure. I have no idea and don't care enough to do a study. Anyway, it's been more than two and a half years of mostly cotton diapers, and while I'm worried about the possibility of already having undone (by using lots of disposables recently) all the good I felt I did by diapering with cotton (though the Queen and I had a discussion about this a while back and a friend of hers did an environmental impact study that concluded that using each kind is a tradeoff - water & detergent usage vs. chemical production and deforestation), I think it's time for me to do something that works better for ME. Being this pregnant, and soon having a newborn, there are enough difficulties to deal with. Tushies, here I come!

In other news - more rain today. What about poor Colorado and New Mexico? Did somebody miss the memo? We've broken early 1900s California rainfall records! We've got enough to get us through the summer, thank you - rain, move on! Go where they're used to getting more of you!

Another Day, Another Rain

Seriously, is the rain ever going to stop this year? I've been told not to gripe, though, since other parts of the country are experiencing freak drought conditions. Wish I could send a little of this precipitation their way.

This morning, after another night of crappy/interrupted (mostly by my bladder, but my hips as well) sleep, I got up at the butt crack of dawn and took a shower before Slipshod got up to get ready for work. He got to crawl into bed with Sweet Pea and snuggle before she woke up, which was nice. Had she awakened, she would have started crying. She's been pushing poor Daddy away lately. So he loved getting a chance to hang out with her, even if she was asleep, although he was cold because he couldn't keep warm under the one sheet and blanket that are too hot for me nowadays!

Anyway, I got up, got ready, and then when he got into the shower I got back in bed all clean and dressed, and Sweet Pea was still sleeping! I even had time before she woke up to run frantically outside into the rain with Slipshod's cell phone and wave it at him before he drove away - which brought him back inside to take his Prilosec as well. The man has the memory of a lemming, I tell you. I mean that lovingly.

Sweet Pea woke up about when I was getting ready to wake her up, and we got up and had breakfast. Then it was a race to get her teeth brushed and get her dressed and out the door and to the DENTIST for her first check-up!

Which didn't happen.

She has been talking about the dentist in a good way since she watched Slipshod's teeth cleaning last month and the dentist spent so much time explaining everything to her. We've been reading her book about "Going to the Dentist." She was okay with everything this morning - right up until the dentist opened the door and announced that he was ready for her.

I couldn't get her to release her grip from the armrests of the waiting room chairs. The dentist came out and said gentle, friendly things to her. It didn't help. I eventually pried her hands off the chairs and took her into the office. She cried and whined. I sat in the dentist's chair with her on my lap. She kept whining. The dentist asked, "are you scared? Tell me what you're scared about, and I can help you." Sweet Pea said, "I'm not scared - I want to go back to the waiting room." We talked to her about letting him count her teeth and clean them. She wanted to go back to the waiting room. The dentist said something at some point about her wanting to go home, and thereafter it wasn't the waiting room she wanted, it was to go home. So we decided to wait until Slipshod's & my next appointment in September. We'll take her then, she'll watch one of us get our teeth cleaned, and then hopefully she'll be willing to sit in the chair and let the dentist count and clean her teeth.

Here's hoping that time will make the difference!

Honestly my feeling had been from the beginning that Sweet Pea was not ready for this, but lately she had been so positive about it that I had decided that maybe she would surprise me.

Oh well!

Today has been so very yucky, and I am so very tired, that I napped with Sweet Pea again today, and since we got up in the wet, grey, depressing afternoon, we've been watching "Monsters, Inc." and eating bunny noodles (Annie's brand Cheese & Macaroni) and baby carrots. But I have also managed to keep up with the dishes and laundry, which is nice...

Hmf.

Oh - and the baby, not to be forgotten, seems firmly lodged on my bladder. Last night at our prenatal appointment our midwife couldn't find her head (the baby's, that is, LOL!) and said that she must be hiding it somewhere. I know where it's hiding. Where my bladder should be! We really did decide that she's head down, though, because of where I feel her hiccups four times per day. The midwife is having me start taking alfalfa capsules to make sure I've got a good bunch of vitamin K in my system before giving birth. Helps clot the blood and all that. Less bleeding after birth. Good idea if you ask me.

Oh yeah - and Sweet Pea has informed me that when the baby is born, she will be covered in fur like the kitties. Apparently thereby making her suggestion of the name "Kitty Cat" appropriate for her little sister.

Rain, Rain, Go Away!

Today Sweet Pea and I went out for a short walk before her nap.

TWO HOURS later, we finally dragged my sorry butt back into the house. She had stopped so many times to pick flowers, talk to the bushes, ask me about the bugs, try to take rocks from people's flower beds, etc. that I had gotten a bit cross at the end and finally just started walking home and she had to run to catch up with me because she didn't want me to leave her. Not the best policy in a traffic-heavy neighborhood, I know, but she was not responding to anything else, I was too tired to pick her up and it was too far to carry her home, and I just wanted to GET THE HECK BACK HOME.

Without my watch I had had no idea how much time had passed. I thought it seemed so long because I was tired to begin with, and my big belly was dragging me down. When we got back in the house and I saw that it had actually been two hours since we left, I had to stop myself from crying about three times. We completely missed naptime and still hadn't eaten lunch. So I whipped up some grilled cheese and baby carrots, which Sweet Pea completely ignored, and I ate while she ran around with the kitties. Where she found such energy today I have no idea, but mine was completely zapped.

A couple hours later I finally got her to sit down and eat some cereal, and she nearly fell asleep in it. When she was done (or as done as she was going to be), I said, "okay, come here," and she scooted over to me saying, "Mama, I don't want to go to bed." Then she promptly fell asleep on my shoulder when I picked her up. I got her into bed (at 6pm) and changed her diaper without waking her. I hope this lasts, because I am wildly exhausted myself and am almost ready to crawl in there with her. I just came out to wash the dishes, finish this post, and get some laundry put away.

Good night!

Somebody Reboot the Matrix

What is going on around here? Yesterday I swear I saw the UPS truck drive down our street five times - always in the same direction. Today I've seen the same car do a U-turn in the middle of our street at least twice. The program is clearly stuck on a mostly grey and rainy cycle, yet even though it has been raining for two or three days and nights solid, the sun came out maybe 10 or 15 minutes ago and somehow practically instantly the sidewalk, street, and the tree in our front yard are all nearly bone dry. What the heck?

We're So Juvenile

So on Sunday the three of us were lounging in the living room together, in various states of sickness and exhaustion, watching TV. We have finally managed to help Sweet Pea discover a show other than "Clifford the Big Red Dog": She now also enjoys watching "Bob the Builder". In this particular episode, Bob, Wendy, and the gang are at the beach. Bob needs more driftwood for the fire he's making and sends Lofty (by far the most annoying character in the show) off to get some big pieces. Lofty finds a nice big piece but a crab hops up on it and snaps its claws. Lofty, being all jittery and nervous all the time, starts making pathetic noises and tries to talk the crab off the driftwood.

Lofty: "Er, excuse me, Mr. Crab, but I really need to take this piece of driftwood back to Bob for the fire..."

(the crab continues to threaten a huge machine that could easily squash it)

Lofty: "Uh, er, you're on Bob's wood, Mr. Crab!"

At this point, Slipshod and I eye each other behind Sweet Pea's head. Slipshod starts shaking with laughter, but I can't keep quiet and burst out laughing.

Slipshod: "So, Bob has crabs on his wood?"

Slipshod also thinks that Sweet Pea's "Rainbow Fish" bath book is Communist propaganda, and has made similarly disapproving and/or inappropriate remarks about other books we read to her. Makes parenting all the more fun. But a little bit sick. :o)