Finally

**Quick note on the photos: This is the birthing tub we're borrowing from one of our midwives. Last time we rented a big expensive Aqua Doula tub and I barely got in it twice - it didn't help with the back labor because I couldn't get comfortable in it. This one looks more comfortable because it's not totally round with straight sides. Should be easier to lounge in. We've got insulation to put around the edges to make that part softer. Hopefully Wednesday night we'll fill it up and give it a try as a family - ha ha! Sweet Pea is looking forward to getting in the big tub. Not sure if that will happen during labor - hadn't really thought about it - but just playing around beforehand to get the logistics down will be fun.**

Hooray, I've got a few minutes to type. Probably shouldn't really be using my few minutes for this, but here I am anyway... ha ha.

Still got tons to do. Living room and dining room almost ready to my standards, though. Have sort of given up on having the big bedroom cleared and the new bed delivered before the baby's born, although that will create problems. I just know that focusing on it is causing me a great deal of stress and since we're doing as much as we can, I need to just give it up and we'll get the new bed and move into that room when we get the new bed and move into that room. The birth tub is here, in the dining room, just waiting for the table & chairs to be dismantled and put out on the back covered porch so it can claim the whole room. We still need to wash it out and practice filling it to see how long it takes, if we have enough hot water, etc.

Had an interesting prenatal visit last week. As I mentioned in the previous post, our refresher birth course brought up a lot of emotional stuff for me from my first labor. I've been working through that mostly by talking with Slipshod and others, but also through writing that last post. At our prentatal last week, we arrived and I took Sweet Pea to the toy basket to get her set up to play while Slipshod and I sat and talked with one of our midwives and her assistant. As I passed the couch our midwife said, "so, just a couple more weeks!" The fear rose in me and I scowled and said in a low voice, "yeah." Then I realized how awful that must look and said, "of course it's a good thing, I've just been rehashing my first labor and lots of stuff has been coming up." She said, "what's going on?"

As I sat and started telling her about it, I started bawling. She got me a box of tissues and encouraged me to go on. I talked through it - told her the realizations I had made, what's been coming up, etc. I think I got most of it out. When we left, even though I felt even more confused about exactly what's bothering me, I felt SO much better. So relieved. I think that just crying about it did a ton of good for me.

Since then I've of course still been thinking about it, trying to figure out what else I need to rid myself of before going into labor again. But of course the packing and cleaning is always here too. It's so difficult to get that sort of thing done with Sweet Pea around wanting to play all the time, but I do have help here and there from family, so progress continues to be made. I feel like there is absolutely no way we'll be as ready as I want to be - which is probably true - but I have to keep trying.

But at the same time, I'm completely exhausted and probably shouldn't be using all my energy to clean right now. I'm also staying up way too late trying to make sure the dishes are always done before I go to bed, and that sort of thing.

Isn't there any way to clone a non-pregnant version of myself that could be taking care of this stuff?!


That's my girl. She's a good scrubber. She loved helping me "fwub the birf tub."