Why Do I Care So Much What Other People Think?

I really hate it that I take in so deeply what people say sometimes. Especially family. You know how it is. Well, maybe you don't. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only freak who can't just tell people to DEAL with me and my choices. Or at least just get myself not take their comments so personally.

Lately due to conversations with various folks, and on some issues from conversations over time, I feel like lots of people disapprove of my mothering ways, all the way from prenatal care and birth choices to potty training and discipline. Of course that's true - no two people do these things exactly alike, and everyone has their own opinion. But what I don't get is why it's so very important for people, especially people in older generations (yes, I'm griping about my own mother), to point out very finger-shakingly exactly where Sweet Pea has issues and tell me what I should do about it.

Besides the fact that I KNOW where we have issues, all kids are different, parents make different parenting choices from the way they were raised, and, perhaps most importantly, Sweet Pea is THREE YEARS old. So you're freakin' nuts if you think she is going to have perfect table manners. And I don't necessarily believe that my siblings and I were all potty trained by 18 months, but even if we were, it wasn't because we were ready. I have a much more laid-back approach to these things than the way they were done back in the day, and y'know what? THAT'S OKAY.

I'm kvetching about this because I'm frustrated to notice that after my mom calls and gives me pointers ("She really should be using the potty by now;" "She needs to eat at the table for every meal," etc.), which, by the way, I didn't ask for, I find that I am much harder on Sweet Pea. I get very short with her and feel as if I'm a failure as a mother because MY mother isn't happy with her progress.

When in fact, Sweet Pea is a good girl. She has a thing lately about dragging everything out forever, but she can be pushed and steered when need be with a minimum of crying, and over all she minds decently, and she is a happy, nice (except for the bug-squishing tendency) girl who loves her mommy and "her" baby (poor Daddy - but I really believe that if he were around more she would tell him that she loves him too).

At least Slipshod's mom is nice about this stuff. She points out Sweet Pea's goodness and accomplishments and says that we should be proud of our little muchkin.

But my point was, WHY do I even let this crap bother me so much? I hate that I take it in so easily and doubt myself so easily, when if I really sit down and think about it I know that the choices I've made for my daughter and how to raise her are right for us. There are definitely areas where I'm flailing, but isn't that true of every parent? I never give myself enough credit. Every so often I have to remind myself that besides what I already said about knowing that my choices are right for us, nobody else lives with us - nobody else actually knows the way we interact daily. So basically, when they're offering very specific advice, they're talking out their asses. I've gotta remember that. Maybe I'd be able to laugh it off more easily and not let it sink in if I use that "imagine them in their underwear" trick - only in this case, if I imagine butts with eyes. Okay, that's gross. But it sure would make me think about taking unsolicited advice so deeply to heart!

Oh, and for the record, if you're one of those folks who thinks that because I believe in homebirth I think everyone else should, you're wrong. I do think it is unfortunate that a very large portion of American society is completely oblivious to the option of homebirth. I also believe that a mother must choose the birthing place option that makes her feel the safest and most comfortable. If that's in a hospital, so be it. Birth center? Right on. If you don't feel like you're safe, you're probably not going to have the experience you're hoping for.