Links to the "Mommy Wars."

The Queen of Spain brought it up the other day: The Mommy Wars.

I've been really into Christina's Mommy Wars posts lately - check out this one from Tuesday and then the next from Wednesday.

My own rant below (which, again, I meant to have on the top today) has been building for some time and although it doesn't sound like it on the surface, I think it plays into what Christina is ranting about. We need paid family leave for working moms and dads when a new baby is born. When our little one comes in June, Slipshod will be taking his two weeks of vacation time and then going back to work, so that he doesn't have to take any unpaid time off. Why isn't there any paid paternal leave? He should be able to use that instead of vacation time.

Now, read my rant below if you haven't already. I got my blood pressure all worked up thinking about this stuff last night, and again today. Grrrr.

Traditional, My Ass.

Many people have described the situation Slipshod and I live in as "traditional," because he works for a company and provides monetarily (and these days grocerily as well - like my new word?) for the family while I stay home and raise the kid, take care of the pets and the house, etc.

Well, I think that either I have a very 50's idea of what a "traditional" arrangement is, or people who describe our situation that way have NO idea what our life is really like.

Consider the present moment, for example. It's 9:45pm. Sweet Pea has had a big day since she waved goodbye to her daddy as he drove off to work at 8am, and now she is in bed, snoozing away. Slipshod isn't home yet. He did actually call an hour ago and say he was leaving work. IF that actually occurred at the stated time (he often gets grabbed on his way out the door and calls again an hour or more later apologizing, saying, "I really am leaving now..."), then he will probably stop somewhere on the way home to pick up some shit fast food for dinner. For the most part, he doesn't eat at home (only on weekends and sometimes Friday nights).

So as I see it, there are three big components to our life that don't match up with "traditional": Daddy working 12 or more hours per day at the office, barely seeing his child during the week, and not eating at home.

We also have projects around the house that I won't be doing either due to pregnancy, unfamiliarity with the power tools, or the fact that I can't safely do them with Sweet Pea around, so on the weekends often Slipshod will bust his butt building cabinets, dragging stuff to storage, etc. And those are things that toddlers need to not be present for because they could get in the way and somebody could get hurt. So Daddy busts his butt at the office during the week and in other places on the weekend, and Mommy feels like a married single parent 24x7x365.

So what is this? The new traditional? It's fantastic that Slipshod's job brings in enough income that we can afford for me to stay home and raise Sweet Pea (and soon her little sister). But y'know what? These girls need a daddy too. And Mommy needs a freakin' break every three months or so.

I don't know what the answer is. Sometimes Slipshod talks about quitting high-tech and becoming a teacher or something. We can live in a shack somewhere and be poor but happy because we'd be able to see each other every day and actually spend time together. But then he wouldn't be able to afford his expensive toys anymore. And I might not be able to get my dream sewing machine (someday).

Isn't there a middle ground?

Recently I've noticed that when I hear about daddies being present for dinner and their children's bedtimes, I automatically assume that they are either stay-at-home dads, or they work some crazy off shift that allows them to be home during family time hours. Then I really think about it and realize that those people are living normal lives, and we're the skewed ones here. We're so stuck in our Silicon bubble that we know lots of other families that are in the same situation we are, and have come to think this is normal.

But it's not. And it SUCKS. Mommy is not enough for the kids. I mean, obviously single parents have to raise their children alone. But if there are actually two parents attached to the family, they should both be there, both be raising the kids. Use what you've got, y'know?

I sometimes remind Slipshod that he will never get this time back with Sweet Pea. He has to find a way to be home more. He is trying.

One of our problems is getting to bed too late, which means he goes in to work later, and then has to stay later. But as I mentioned, there are also very frequently days, weeks or even months when he works many more, sometimes many more, than 8 hours per day. That is because every company Slipshod has ever worked for has been a start-up. At least things are MUCH better than the days when he worked in IT and would get called in at all hours of the night to fix the network before normal business hours the next morning. But start-ups don't care that their employees are frequently burnt out and running on fumes. If they're going to succeed as a company, they need workaholics who will give blood, sweat and tears to the company over the needs of their families.

Anyway... I guess I'm rambling now. Just had to get this out. It's been driving me nuts lately. Because, if you look up at the baby ticker, I am 35 weeks pregnant (the ticker uses Friday to count, we use Thursday). I will be in labor soon. We will have a newborn soon, and toddler (not to mention her parents) trying to adjust to having a new family member. Slipshod's company is going to have to figure out how to live without him for two weeks. And if they call him on the phone, so help me goddess, I will come down on them with a vengeance so great, he may not have a job to return to!

We Have a Diagnosis

This morning we took Sweet Pea to her appointment with the pediatric neurologist. After I described Sweet Pea's two most recent falling & passing out episodes, the doctor checked her reflexes (they're barely even there! I think he said they call those +1 reflexes - whatever that means) and looked in her eyes, etc.

Then he told us that what I described to him is called Pallid Syncope. At least she has the "Pallid" kind where she turns pale, rather than Cyanotic Syncope, which causes the child to turn BLUE. Eeek!

What happens is that when she hurts herself, and it doesn't even have to be that bad of a fall, Sweet Pea will stop breathing and not enough blood will be in her heart to pump to her head, so she will pass out. For her this is brought on by pain stimulus. It is also normal for kids to make "clonic arm movements" which may look like a seizure, though so far Sweet Pea has not demonstrated that symptom.

Anyway, our family doctor referred us to the neurologist because he was concerned that Sweet Pea may possibly be having seizures, epileptic or otherwise. But the neurologist said that her symptoms match up so neatly to Pallid Syncope that he doesn't believe an EEG is really necessary.

He said that Sweet Pea will experience more of these episodes before they go away, but they will probably be gone by the time she's 5 years old. He also said that unless her symptoms change, he is not worried about the possibility of epilepsy - especially since nobody in either my or Slipshod's families have epilepsy.

Pallid Syncope is genetic. The neurologist asked if either of us had ever had passing out episodes. All of mine have been dehydration related, except for the time I fell flat on my back on a wooden gym floor after not being spotted while doing a flip off a mini trampoline (asshole coach - I told him to spot me!). But that only lasted seconds.

Slipshod, however, had an episode when he was a teenager which also matches the symptoms of Pallid Syncope. His was not brought on by a pain stimulus as Sweet Pea's are - his was brought on by fear because his dad had been bitten by a horse. Once Slipshod was sure that his dad was going to be okay, he went stiff as a board and fell over backward (from standing), then had some jerky arm movements happening. I don't think he was ever diagnosed with anything, but it only happened once.

And apparently Slipshod's mom used to have episodes like this when she was a kid, also brought on by pain.

The neurologist said that the only situations in which Pallid Syncope can actually be life-threatening would be if an incident occurred while Sweet Pea was in the bathtub or swimming pool. But of course we'd be with her and watching her the whole time in either of those situations.

He also said that the best thing to do when she has one of these episodes is to leave her on the floor if that's where she falls, or hold her on her back, and put her legs in the air - just like my sister did the last time this happened. The blood will get to her head faster that way, which will "bring her back" from her passed out state more quickly.

It is also normal for her to want to rest afterward. After every episode she has had so far, Sweet Pea has wanted to nap immediately after she "comes to," but every time I have been afraid that she might have bonked her head hard enough to give herself a concussion so I have made her stay awake at least long enough for me to shine a light in her eyes and make sure they dilate and relax (can't think of the term for that...) correctly. But the neurologist said that these episodes are an exhausting thing for the body to go through, so wanting to sleep afterward is another symptom and should be allowed so that Sweet Pea can recover.

He gave us a copy of an article to read that is almost identical to the link I put above in this post.

While this is a scary thing to deal with as a parent, Slipshod and I are thankful to have a diagnosis that is so clear-cut. We were both concerned that we would see the neurologist and perhaps have tests done and then be told, "she seems normal - we don't know what it is." We're also happy to hear that it will go away!

Mother, Murderess

I horrified my daughter today.

Let me begin this story with an explanation of her character.

You see, Sweet Pea forms bonds with... well, everything. She does love people, and of course pets, but she also has favorite toys, as I suppose all kids do. But they're not necessarily the same toys from day to day, and her particular fondness can as easily be showered on a paper cutout of a fish as a stuffed animal. Or a can of tomato sauce. Or an egg.

Once she chooses a friend, she always wants me to "talk it" for her. She will hand me whatever she's currently loving and I will have to make it say, "hello, Sweet Pea, how are you today?" and then she will pour forth an explanation of what she has been doing, or what she is about to do, or what she just did, or what Mommy just told her, etc. Sometimes she will feed me my lines. "Mama, have it ask me where the ballie is." Often she will tell me exactly what to make her "friend" say AND what she is going to tell it in reply.

Last weekend while we were visiting Grandma and Grandpa, Auntie and Uncle and their pet bunny were also visiting. Grandma had hard boiled two dozen eggs before we arrived and Saturday night Auntie (my sis) got six cups of dye made up and she sat with Sweet Pea on her lap for a good hour or so and they had a jolly time decorating Easter eggs. This was the first time Sweet Pea had gotten to do this and she had a ton of fun and was also very gentle with the eggs (which I only mention because although she has a great capacity for gentleness, we didn't know a 2yr. 8month-old could do so well with two dozen eggs - she only dropped and cracked one).

Sweet Pea kept wanting to look at all the colored eggs and had particular favorites among them (some of the ones we put the shrinky plastic things on and then dyed). When we left for home on Sunday, Grandma sent an entire dozen of the decorated eggs with us. Sweet Pea has enjoyed taking them out and looking at them, having me "talk them," introducing them to her kitties, etc.

So you can imagine where the trouble started...

Today after Sweet Pea awoke from her nap, we went to the kitchen to rustle up some grub for lunch. I hardly ever actually meal plan, so usually we go to the kitchen for a meal (any meal) and I open the refrigerator, freezer, and pantry (yes, one at a time in that order) to see what we have. Today I remembered out loud, "oh yeah, we have all those hard boiled eggs - we'll have egg salad!" Sweet Pea likes egg salad. A lot. And that's saying something - this kid doesn't have a lot of interest in eating in general, so her having a food preference is one of those experiences for me where the clouds open up and light shines down and choirs of angels sing.

So I announced to her that we were going to make egg salad for lunch. Sweet Pea seemed pleased. I asked if she wanted to help me make it, because she loves to help me cook. "Yes! I want to measure!" she chirped in reply. We put the stepladder up to the counter and I, aware that breaking her colored eggs might cause her some distress, told her so it wouldn't be such a shock, "we're going to use the Easter eggs that Grandma gave us, so we're going to have to break a couple of them."

She looked at me.

I took out two eggs, the two with the worst cracks (some had cracked when they were cooking, so the one Sweet Pea dropped wasn't the only cracked egg in the two dozen), and smashed them and started peeling the shells off and throwing the shells into the sink.

Sweet Pea freaked. She started whining and asked me to stop. I explained to her that these are just eggs, this is what egg salad is made of (I expect that was a big mistake; now she'll never want to eat it again!), and this is what eggs look like when you cook them before you take them out of the shell. I told her I was going to chop them up and we'd mix in some mayo and other things and I tried to continue on to the sandwich idea, but she was crying by then, since I was now chopping up the first egg, and she begged me to stop. She pulled the remnants of the eggshells out of the sink and tried to put them back on the eggs. She begged me to put the shells back on.

At this point I realized the depth of her distress due to her attachment to these egg friends, and how much I was therefore terrorizing her by chopping up her friends in front of her.

We had applesauce, buttered bread, and cheese for lunch.

I wonder what she thinks of me now... the horror, the horror!

Fresh Outlook

I needed a color change. No matter what the sky might be saying, it's Spring, dammit! So here it is, I've chosen a new template. And lost all my links. And I still need to put white backgrounds on the Lilypie tickers so you can actually read them. BTW, if you're one of those people who thinks those are really annoying, just know that they are there more for me than for you. I need to be reminded of how close we are getting to Sweet Pea's next birthday (going to have to order party supplies soon to have that all together before baby's born), and freak myself out daily about how soon I'll be going into labor.

Now go read the next post - that's the one I meant to have on top today. I'll deal with the Lilypie and links details later. Been away from the kid for too long. Not sure what she's been cutting with the scissors or what she's currently drawing on with pens.

Easter Review

...And how was your Easter? Or Passover, or Bunny Day, or *weekend,* as the case may be? Ours was nice. This year we got to spend it with family instead of at the ER with a frighteningly dehydrated sick toddler. SO much better this year.

This morning Sweet Pea had her first Easter Egg hunt at Grandma and Grandpa's - inside the house, because, as has been happening nonstop of late, it was pouring down rain outside. Last night she had a GREAT time dying two dozen eggs with her Auntie, but we decided we'd better not let the Easter Bunny hide those inside for fear of dying the furniture. So instead, while Sweet Pea was very briefly in the bathroom with me getting dressed, having her hair combed (a rarity but she was distracted by a basket of seashells that needed to be sorted through, hooray) and having a diaper change, the Easter Bunny & Crew quickly hid a whole bunch of brightly colored plastic eggs around the living room. They were stuffed with stickers, window clings, and parmesan Goldfish crackers. No candy. The Easter Bunny checked with me last week. I love the Easter Bunny.

We got some super-cute video of Sweet Pea getting more and more excited as the egg hunt went on, as she got the hang of it and started looking a little more carefully and finding eggs with little to no help. Her Easter basket was/is an adorable multi-pocketed canvas ladybug bag. Once she had found all the eggs (we think), she sat down and we opened up a lot of them and she was absolutely thrilled with the jelly-like window clings and only wanted those. She stuck the clings and a zillion butterfly stickers on my belly. The butterfly stickers are still there... Ha ha!



Then Sweet Pea got ahold of my digital camera. Here are some of my favorites out of the zillion shots she took. A lot of her shots were taken about an inch or two away from her subject, producing lots of pretty, bright, abstract photos, but I can only show 5 photos per post, and you don't want to see them all anyway...

Bear With Me - Thinking Out Loud In Progress

Is it a bad thing that Sweet Pea hums the tune to the theme song for "Daria?" Heh... At least she doesn't sing the words ("You're standing on my neck!").

Yesterday we had a freaky day. It was, like, *bright* outside. For once Sweet Pea didn't have to ask when she woke up, "Mama, is it morning?" There was this big huge shining thing in the sky that was hard to look at, and the streets and sidewalks were dry all day, and it was HOT out! I don't know what that big bright hot thing in the sky was, but Sweet Pea and I took advantage of there being no rain and spent a good part of the day in the back yard. Sweet Pea even decided it was time to have her first naked backyard play day. We had a really good time, though I got super tired.

Now on the subject of potty training - I keep asking myself why I am harboring some stress about this. What is the big deal? Yes, it was a huge bummer when Sweet Pea seemed like she was ready to be finished potty training and then completely reverted. But she's not even 3 yet, and everything I'm reading says that she's still young enough to not be emotionally ready. At some point she WILL decide it's time, and start using her potty again/all the time. Just because she has friends very close to her age who are already trained doesn't mean anything. They're ready. She's not. That's okay.

I really think it's my mom in my head that's causing the thoughts that cause the stress that I keep noticing here and there. Last time she visited she told me that shortly after the baby's born, she thinks I'll be forcing Sweet Pea to potty train. She thinks I should be forcing Sweet Pea right now so she'll be done before the baby's born. She SO doesn't get Slipshod's and my non-forcing parenting style. I don't understand the old way of thinking (I guess that's not accurate, it's just a different way of thinking. I associate it with older generations, but there are plenty of people in my generation who feel the way my mom does, and parent the way she did). What on Earth is wrong with letting things take their natural course? Labor, for example, when there's not an emergent reason to interfere. But I digress.

However, in the mean time, until Sweet Pea DOES potty train for real... I've been trying to decide what to do about diapers. I stopped making Sweet Pea lie down for diaper changes when I felt that she, the baby, and I were probably all in danger from her flailing limbs. So now she has all her diaper changes standing up, and I don't chase her around anymore - she has to come stand in front of me for the change. Most often she's pretty good about that, if she's not in the middle of playing with friends or running around for some other reason when I decide it's diaper change time. However - it is extremely difficult to put fresh cotton diapers on her while she is standing. I've also been putting double cotton diapers on her because the changes are so difficult that I do them less often. Probably not the best policy, but dammit, I'm 33 weeks pregnant and as such I'm huge, constantly exhausted, and I'm just doing the best I can.

I put disposable diapers on Sweet Pea at night because even though she has been dry in the mornings for almost a year now, she has often peed in her diaper by the time I can drag my sorry ass out of bed. And she pees a lot in the morning. So even with a double cotton diaper, she sometimes leaks on the bed (or my lap, or whatever). So, we've got disposables in the house. They're looking more and more tempting, and coming into daytime use as well, due to how much easier they are to change. I feel guilty about this, but at the same time I've got to take care of myself however I can. I also don't want to go to disposables from cotton because she can't feel her pee so much in the disposables, and taking a step backward from potty training seems completely dumb at this point in time.

But, Sweet Pea has demonstrated that since she is simply not interested in potty training right now, she absolutely DOES NOT CARE if her diaper is wet or poopy or how much of either - even if it's cotton and she can totally feel it.

I think I have found the solution. I don't want to stop our diaper service since we're going to start getting newborn diapers very soon (yes, I'm continuing cotton diapers with the baby - it will be a while before she can wiggle enough to make diaper changes miserable - plus, I won't be pregnant when she's that wiggly, so I'll be better able to deal with things!), but I think that due to the above described changing difficulties I'm finished with cotton for Sweet Pea. Yesterday it finally occurred to me that I had heard or read somewhere that I could get cotton AND/OR disposables delivered by our diaper service. I looked on their website and they do deliver Tushies brand disposables. They are very against disposables, but apparently feel that if their customers insist on using a mix or want disposables delivered, they should offer the best thing they can find. So Tushies are filled with cotton mixed with non-chlorinated wood pulp and there is no gel, and they're free of most, if not all, of the chemicals that regular disposables have. Since they are not gel diapers, the kid can still feel the wetness, so apparently you get the ease of disposables with the feel of a cotton diaper. They actually recommend them for potty training, I suppose for that reason.

So, here we go. Slipshod says I've stuck with cotton diapers for a much longer time than he thinks most people do. I thought that most people who chose cotton stuck with it all the way through, but he's not so sure. I have no idea and don't care enough to do a study. Anyway, it's been more than two and a half years of mostly cotton diapers, and while I'm worried about the possibility of already having undone (by using lots of disposables recently) all the good I felt I did by diapering with cotton (though the Queen and I had a discussion about this a while back and a friend of hers did an environmental impact study that concluded that using each kind is a tradeoff - water & detergent usage vs. chemical production and deforestation), I think it's time for me to do something that works better for ME. Being this pregnant, and soon having a newborn, there are enough difficulties to deal with. Tushies, here I come!

In other news - more rain today. What about poor Colorado and New Mexico? Did somebody miss the memo? We've broken early 1900s California rainfall records! We've got enough to get us through the summer, thank you - rain, move on! Go where they're used to getting more of you!

Another Day, Another Rain

Seriously, is the rain ever going to stop this year? I've been told not to gripe, though, since other parts of the country are experiencing freak drought conditions. Wish I could send a little of this precipitation their way.

This morning, after another night of crappy/interrupted (mostly by my bladder, but my hips as well) sleep, I got up at the butt crack of dawn and took a shower before Slipshod got up to get ready for work. He got to crawl into bed with Sweet Pea and snuggle before she woke up, which was nice. Had she awakened, she would have started crying. She's been pushing poor Daddy away lately. So he loved getting a chance to hang out with her, even if she was asleep, although he was cold because he couldn't keep warm under the one sheet and blanket that are too hot for me nowadays!

Anyway, I got up, got ready, and then when he got into the shower I got back in bed all clean and dressed, and Sweet Pea was still sleeping! I even had time before she woke up to run frantically outside into the rain with Slipshod's cell phone and wave it at him before he drove away - which brought him back inside to take his Prilosec as well. The man has the memory of a lemming, I tell you. I mean that lovingly.

Sweet Pea woke up about when I was getting ready to wake her up, and we got up and had breakfast. Then it was a race to get her teeth brushed and get her dressed and out the door and to the DENTIST for her first check-up!

Which didn't happen.

She has been talking about the dentist in a good way since she watched Slipshod's teeth cleaning last month and the dentist spent so much time explaining everything to her. We've been reading her book about "Going to the Dentist." She was okay with everything this morning - right up until the dentist opened the door and announced that he was ready for her.

I couldn't get her to release her grip from the armrests of the waiting room chairs. The dentist came out and said gentle, friendly things to her. It didn't help. I eventually pried her hands off the chairs and took her into the office. She cried and whined. I sat in the dentist's chair with her on my lap. She kept whining. The dentist asked, "are you scared? Tell me what you're scared about, and I can help you." Sweet Pea said, "I'm not scared - I want to go back to the waiting room." We talked to her about letting him count her teeth and clean them. She wanted to go back to the waiting room. The dentist said something at some point about her wanting to go home, and thereafter it wasn't the waiting room she wanted, it was to go home. So we decided to wait until Slipshod's & my next appointment in September. We'll take her then, she'll watch one of us get our teeth cleaned, and then hopefully she'll be willing to sit in the chair and let the dentist count and clean her teeth.

Here's hoping that time will make the difference!

Honestly my feeling had been from the beginning that Sweet Pea was not ready for this, but lately she had been so positive about it that I had decided that maybe she would surprise me.

Oh well!

Today has been so very yucky, and I am so very tired, that I napped with Sweet Pea again today, and since we got up in the wet, grey, depressing afternoon, we've been watching "Monsters, Inc." and eating bunny noodles (Annie's brand Cheese & Macaroni) and baby carrots. But I have also managed to keep up with the dishes and laundry, which is nice...

Hmf.

Oh - and the baby, not to be forgotten, seems firmly lodged on my bladder. Last night at our prenatal appointment our midwife couldn't find her head (the baby's, that is, LOL!) and said that she must be hiding it somewhere. I know where it's hiding. Where my bladder should be! We really did decide that she's head down, though, because of where I feel her hiccups four times per day. The midwife is having me start taking alfalfa capsules to make sure I've got a good bunch of vitamin K in my system before giving birth. Helps clot the blood and all that. Less bleeding after birth. Good idea if you ask me.

Oh yeah - and Sweet Pea has informed me that when the baby is born, she will be covered in fur like the kitties. Apparently thereby making her suggestion of the name "Kitty Cat" appropriate for her little sister.

Rain, Rain, Go Away!

Today Sweet Pea and I went out for a short walk before her nap.

TWO HOURS later, we finally dragged my sorry butt back into the house. She had stopped so many times to pick flowers, talk to the bushes, ask me about the bugs, try to take rocks from people's flower beds, etc. that I had gotten a bit cross at the end and finally just started walking home and she had to run to catch up with me because she didn't want me to leave her. Not the best policy in a traffic-heavy neighborhood, I know, but she was not responding to anything else, I was too tired to pick her up and it was too far to carry her home, and I just wanted to GET THE HECK BACK HOME.

Without my watch I had had no idea how much time had passed. I thought it seemed so long because I was tired to begin with, and my big belly was dragging me down. When we got back in the house and I saw that it had actually been two hours since we left, I had to stop myself from crying about three times. We completely missed naptime and still hadn't eaten lunch. So I whipped up some grilled cheese and baby carrots, which Sweet Pea completely ignored, and I ate while she ran around with the kitties. Where she found such energy today I have no idea, but mine was completely zapped.

A couple hours later I finally got her to sit down and eat some cereal, and she nearly fell asleep in it. When she was done (or as done as she was going to be), I said, "okay, come here," and she scooted over to me saying, "Mama, I don't want to go to bed." Then she promptly fell asleep on my shoulder when I picked her up. I got her into bed (at 6pm) and changed her diaper without waking her. I hope this lasts, because I am wildly exhausted myself and am almost ready to crawl in there with her. I just came out to wash the dishes, finish this post, and get some laundry put away.

Good night!

Somebody Reboot the Matrix

What is going on around here? Yesterday I swear I saw the UPS truck drive down our street five times - always in the same direction. Today I've seen the same car do a U-turn in the middle of our street at least twice. The program is clearly stuck on a mostly grey and rainy cycle, yet even though it has been raining for two or three days and nights solid, the sun came out maybe 10 or 15 minutes ago and somehow practically instantly the sidewalk, street, and the tree in our front yard are all nearly bone dry. What the heck?

We're So Juvenile

So on Sunday the three of us were lounging in the living room together, in various states of sickness and exhaustion, watching TV. We have finally managed to help Sweet Pea discover a show other than "Clifford the Big Red Dog": She now also enjoys watching "Bob the Builder". In this particular episode, Bob, Wendy, and the gang are at the beach. Bob needs more driftwood for the fire he's making and sends Lofty (by far the most annoying character in the show) off to get some big pieces. Lofty finds a nice big piece but a crab hops up on it and snaps its claws. Lofty, being all jittery and nervous all the time, starts making pathetic noises and tries to talk the crab off the driftwood.

Lofty: "Er, excuse me, Mr. Crab, but I really need to take this piece of driftwood back to Bob for the fire..."

(the crab continues to threaten a huge machine that could easily squash it)

Lofty: "Uh, er, you're on Bob's wood, Mr. Crab!"

At this point, Slipshod and I eye each other behind Sweet Pea's head. Slipshod starts shaking with laughter, but I can't keep quiet and burst out laughing.

Slipshod: "So, Bob has crabs on his wood?"

Slipshod also thinks that Sweet Pea's "Rainbow Fish" bath book is Communist propaganda, and has made similarly disapproving and/or inappropriate remarks about other books we read to her. Makes parenting all the more fun. But a little bit sick. :o)