Thursday, June 21, 2007

Selective Memory's a Bitch

The Scene:
Two nights ago, dinnertime. I am trying to eat.

Sweet Pea is sobbing on my lap, for some reason I can't remember. I think I put the cat's food bowl out so the cat could eat and SHE wanted to do that. Apparently I should have known.

The Bug is also screaming, strapped into her baby seat at the table. She's had enough of ordering me around to get her several different kinds of food, and wants to get out and play. NOW.

I can't reach around Sweet Pea to get to my food. I can't hear myself think.

Slipshod is sitting across the room cruising the web on my computer. He got up and left the table the second he ate his last bite of dinner (BIG pet peeve of mine - among other things, what is that behavior teaching the children?), and is oblivious to all the screaming and my inability to eat my dinner, despite the fact that he's only 10 feet away from us.

I remember with a sinking feeling the last conversation I tried to have with him about him getting a vasectomy. I had thought it was just a matter of time and asked him if he might get that done while he was home on sabbatical. He laughingly said that getting a vasectomy was not high on his list of things to do.

Through the screaming we have the following conversation:

Me: So, are you reneging on your promise to get a vasectomy?

Slipshod: Promise? What promise?

Me: Don't even. You promised me you would get one.

Slipshod: When did I say that?

Me: While I was in labor last year. You said, and I quote, "I will get a vasectomy tomorrow. You can name the baby anything you want."

Slipshod: Huh. I don't remember that.

Me: Well, I remember it. I remember it clear as day.

Slipshod laughs and turns back to the computer.

End scene.

Shit. I really, apparently very naively, thought that I wasn't going to have to fight a battle about this. I don't want more than two kids. I'm at my limit; possibly past. I don't want to be pregnant again. I don't want to endure labor again. I so never, ever want to deal with a teething baby again once The Bug is through with that (can you tell what my current mothering hardship is?).

I am exhausted. But this decision is not one made in the moment, out of exhaustion. I've known for some time that I only wanted two. And honestly only two because I thought Sweet Pea would be sad growing up as an only child. Don't get me wrong, I love The Bug every bit as much as I love Sweet Pea, and I didn't have her so Sweet Pea could have a pet or anything - I hope what I'm saying doesn't sound like that. But there was a time when I considered stopping at one. And some days I think maybe I should have because I don't know if I can handle mothering two. But every day I am also overwhelmingly happy that I have both of them.

The point is, I thought that Slipshod and I had established that we were going to remove the possibility of having more. Apparently not. Grrr.


Christina said...

Oh, that sucks. I don't suppose you could use the old threat of "if you don't get snipped, I'm not putting out"?

Aaron will be getting snipped when Mira turns one. We agreed on it before she was born, because we're both done at two kids. Honestly, like you, I find myself struggling with two, but felt that I didn't want Cordy to be an only child. (And like you, I'm very happy to have Mira, also - she wasn't just a playmate for Cordy).

I hope you can get him to take it seriously and listen to you. You have the right to not want any more kids.

(And Aaron does the same thing of playing on the computer while the kids are crying and I'm trying to get something productive done. Drives me insane.)

Stahl family said...

I feel for ya, sister! I find myself longing for days all alone! Then, I snap back into reality with my two rambunctious dear ones and my husband who wants ANOTHER!! My solution? I got an IUD!

Good luck!