:o)

I'm feeling happier today. Got more things out of the big bedroom - it's almost clean enough to have the new bed delivered - FINALLY! Wahoo!

I've been having more Braxton Hicks contractions today. They come when I make ANY exertion, and I've even had one or two while I've been sitting and resting.

I've spoken with each of my siblings today - they all called to see how things are going - and my parents called too, though I haven't spoken with them yet (yes, I didn't answer because I'm avoiding my dad; see yesterday's post - but then it turned out to be Mom who was calling - I could have handled talking with her).

Slipshod's family is starting to leave messages and call to check up on me, too. His dad's family is having a get-together on Sunday before his dad & stepmom move to Mexico, and his grandma is insisting that I have no excuse not to be there, even if I'm in labor. Crazy people! ha ha

I am a Big, Grumpy Mama

I am so sick of doing all the dishes every night and all the laundry every day. I keep reminding myself that I'm doing this because I need to live in a clean house with clean clothes and towels. It keeps me sane. But often it feels as if ALL I do is take care of the house. And of course the kid, but lately I feel like I'm taking care of the house better/more often than I'm taking care of her, and I worry about what things are going to look like around here when the baby comes and I suddenly stop doing dishes and laundry every day. Whee...

Anyway - it's late and I'm a grump so I'll just finish this with a couple of stupid, unthinking, annoying things my dad has said to me in the last week, the week before my due date:

"You are huge - how big is that baby going to be? Maybe you'll break the record - what is it now, fourteen pounds?" (I think that is the record. I explained to him that it's not all baby in there - there is a lot of fluid as well, and other things...)

"You really are so huge - I hope you don't explode." (This one didn't sound so much like a joke - I think he might truly believe it's possible for a pregnant woman to explode.)

The other day while talking with him on the phone he worried at me out loud, saying things like, "I just hope everything goes okay..." with a meaningful pause afterward. I know that he thinks I'm nuts to do a homebirth, and knowing that, what he said says comes across to me something like, "Gee, I hope you don't die in childbirth - especially since your mother and I won't be home."

Today he left a phone message (I didn't answer because I was just about to walk Sweet Pea to the bedroom for her nap) and sounded all anxious and said, "I hope everything's okay over there." Sounds benign, I know, but he's such a worrier and he's passing his neurosis through the phone lines. I know that he's extra worried now because I'm due Friday and I'm JUST SO HUGE!

Gah. Yes, obviously I am putting this stuff through my own filter before it gets to my brain, I'm just annoyed by the unthinking way he says all this stuff - not considering that RIGHT NOW I really don't want to hear it and he should keep his trap shut. After the baby is safely and happily born at home, he can tell me all about how worried he was, if he really needs to. But you don't lay that stuff on a pregnant woman a week before she's due.

Hair Everywhere!

OMIGOD, yes, I'm linking to an ad, but watching it is SO worth the huge guffaw you'll get. Just make sure you're not drinking anything while watching it. Queen of Spain, this one's for you. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

While I'm at it, and while we're on the subject of "The Crotch Wars," here's another one especially for the guys. This one is a video, not an ad.

And speaking of hair, I forgot to mention that I did get that haircut on Thursday (the one I was supposed to get on Tuesday but which got cancelled the first time around), and I am still freaking out about how short it is. Yesterday when I took a shower I couldn't believe how short it was to run my fingers through. Every time I see my reflection I think that I've been robbed of my locks! The length is what I asked for, but she took off SO much body. I'm used to my hair being fuller at the bottom, but now it's... well, it looks like a cotton ball. I'll try to post a picture later. It seems too long on top and too short on the bottom - which leaves all the curls and body right in the middle around my ears. My sister-in-law says that I just haven't gotten used to it yet. I hope that's true... when I came home from the salon Sweet Pea was shy of me and went across the room to get closer to her auntie while she stared at me and tried to decide if this was really her mommy.

**Later that day...** Okay, here are the pictures. The first - Sweet Pea is just looking so cute, I couldn't help myself. She's holding her "baby mama kitty," which we adults see as a stuffed bear, and it is wearing its diaper from the huge pre-birth diaper delivery we got from our service last week. I can't believe how tiny these diapers are! Had to find room for 80 of them in the changing table, though, along with Sweet Pea's diapers. She has been mothering this toy since I put the diaper on it on Thursday. ha ha!


Here's that shot of my haircut that I promised... I like it better now than I did this morning, but I'm still not sure it's a good cut for me. I don't like how it tapers at the bottom. I'm tempted to go back and have her cut it up to the fuller part, but then it would be REALLY REALLY short.


For kicks I had Slipshod take pictures of my huge belly again. Especially since, due to the cooler weather today, I was wearing the same outfit that I was wearing when we took the first belly shots that I posted. I don't think anybody's going to argue about me being HUGE this time! My belly, I mean. This time I was also sure to tuck my shirt up so you can see where my boobs end and my belly starts. And as you can see, my belly is now too big for me to pull my pants up completely (they don't go that far up, but still... I can't even get them to go up as far as they're supposed to!) and the shirt doesn't cover the rest of it. Whee!

Baby Names

No, I'm not giving anything away. Sorry! You'll find out when the baby's born - if we've decided by then. Slipshod says we can't send out an announcement without a name in it, but I disagree. I think that's perfectly acceptable if you haven't decided yet. And of course I won't be posting her real name on my blog anyway - you'll know her here as Petal, like it says on the baby ticker.

Anyway - I awoke to a very silly toddler this morning. Last night before I went to bed, HOURS after everyone else (because Slipshod fell asleep in front of the TV while I washed the dishes and brought in the clean laundry, grr), I finally sat for a while and searched on girls' names on the Internet (I still don't understand why that word is supposed to be capitalized). So this morning, to keep Sweet Pea amused while I was trying to wake up enough to physically get out of bed, I asked her what she thought about some of the names I had thought sounded good. She said "no" to each name in turn, and instead suggested, after each name that I suggested, "we're going to name the baby Boggle Joggle!"

So a big THANK YOU to MY sister for that. HA HA HA HA HA! She visited us on Wednesday and taught Sweet Pea the Boggle Joggle idea. Silly goof.

Just Thinking "Out Loud"

Does anybody else find it funny that Mr. Cranky Old Potty Mouth himself (George Carlin) narrates the American version of "Thomas And Friends?" And that sweet Miss Spider's voice on "Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends" is done by Charlotte from "Sex and the City" (Kristen Davis)? I've been giggling about stuff like that lately. Granted, Charlotte *was* the sweetest character on the show, but they still showed her having orgasms and talking dirty here and there. It's odd to hear her (if I'm not looking at the screen) saying things like, "Squirt, you'll be late for school; you have to learn to be on time!"

In other news - Sweet Pea woke up this morning and informed me that she would like to sit on her potty to go pee pee and poo poo. So we went to the bathroom, and sure enough, she sat down and peed on her potty! Hooray! I haven't even been suggesting that she use her potty for a while because I've been doing other stuff. But she's showing her own interest, which is what I was waiting for anyway! I'm very happy to see this happening.

Sweet Pea is also talking more and more about her baby sister - probably because we are talking to her about the birth, etc. more often. This morning she hugged my belly and told me she was hugging her baby sister. She does that a lot, and sometimes she also kisses her baby sister, and zerberts her, tickles her, etc. I have still been taking care of all of her diaper changes, baths, naps and bedtimes (well, actually Auntie got her to sleep for one nap last week), and have been getting a little nervous about how much she's going to hate it when I very suddenly stop doing all of that for her for a week or so. I've been telling her that Daddy will be home for two weeks when the baby's born and that after the baby comes Daddy will be giving her baths and getting her to bed, etc. She is often resistant to Daddy doing *anything* for her if I'm around, so I wanted to at least let her know, even if she didn't want to hear it. But yesterday she started telling me that "when the baby comes, Daddy will put me to bed - and I won't cry!" I'm excited to hear that. Not just because the message has sunk in and she knows what's coming, but also because I prepared her before her auntie started coming over every week and at that point she told me that she wouldn't cry when I left to go places while Auntie was with her. And she kept her word! She waved to me out the window as I walked to my car, and then Auntie says Sweet Pea turned around, looked at her and said, "okay, what do you want to play?" ha ha ha! Slipshod has also been telling Sweet Pea how much he's looking forward to spending time with her while he's home after the baby comes, and that he's looking forward to being here at bedtime so he can get her to sleep, etc. Yay!

That's about all that's going on around here. Home and birth preparations continue, but the pace has slowed a little because the main part of the house is pretty much ready, and the tub is set up. Whew. Still need to work on the big room to see if we can get the bed in, but... I think we'll have some help with that this weekend. We'll see how it goes.

Today I finally get to get the haircut that got cancelled on Tuesday.

Oh - and I forgot to mention that I'm tripping about how old I turned yesterday! It was my birthday and I'm 35 - and I can't believe it! HOW did this happen? WHEN? How is it possible that I could be 35? What the heck? Where was I all this time? This is crazy! That's only 5 years from 40! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! My 37-year-old sister has no sympathy.

Finally

**Quick note on the photos: This is the birthing tub we're borrowing from one of our midwives. Last time we rented a big expensive Aqua Doula tub and I barely got in it twice - it didn't help with the back labor because I couldn't get comfortable in it. This one looks more comfortable because it's not totally round with straight sides. Should be easier to lounge in. We've got insulation to put around the edges to make that part softer. Hopefully Wednesday night we'll fill it up and give it a try as a family - ha ha! Sweet Pea is looking forward to getting in the big tub. Not sure if that will happen during labor - hadn't really thought about it - but just playing around beforehand to get the logistics down will be fun.**

Hooray, I've got a few minutes to type. Probably shouldn't really be using my few minutes for this, but here I am anyway... ha ha.

Still got tons to do. Living room and dining room almost ready to my standards, though. Have sort of given up on having the big bedroom cleared and the new bed delivered before the baby's born, although that will create problems. I just know that focusing on it is causing me a great deal of stress and since we're doing as much as we can, I need to just give it up and we'll get the new bed and move into that room when we get the new bed and move into that room. The birth tub is here, in the dining room, just waiting for the table & chairs to be dismantled and put out on the back covered porch so it can claim the whole room. We still need to wash it out and practice filling it to see how long it takes, if we have enough hot water, etc.

Had an interesting prenatal visit last week. As I mentioned in the previous post, our refresher birth course brought up a lot of emotional stuff for me from my first labor. I've been working through that mostly by talking with Slipshod and others, but also through writing that last post. At our prentatal last week, we arrived and I took Sweet Pea to the toy basket to get her set up to play while Slipshod and I sat and talked with one of our midwives and her assistant. As I passed the couch our midwife said, "so, just a couple more weeks!" The fear rose in me and I scowled and said in a low voice, "yeah." Then I realized how awful that must look and said, "of course it's a good thing, I've just been rehashing my first labor and lots of stuff has been coming up." She said, "what's going on?"

As I sat and started telling her about it, I started bawling. She got me a box of tissues and encouraged me to go on. I talked through it - told her the realizations I had made, what's been coming up, etc. I think I got most of it out. When we left, even though I felt even more confused about exactly what's bothering me, I felt SO much better. So relieved. I think that just crying about it did a ton of good for me.

Since then I've of course still been thinking about it, trying to figure out what else I need to rid myself of before going into labor again. But of course the packing and cleaning is always here too. It's so difficult to get that sort of thing done with Sweet Pea around wanting to play all the time, but I do have help here and there from family, so progress continues to be made. I feel like there is absolutely no way we'll be as ready as I want to be - which is probably true - but I have to keep trying.

But at the same time, I'm completely exhausted and probably shouldn't be using all my energy to clean right now. I'm also staying up way too late trying to make sure the dishes are always done before I go to bed, and that sort of thing.

Isn't there any way to clone a non-pregnant version of myself that could be taking care of this stuff?!


That's my girl. She's a good scrubber. She loved helping me "fwub the birf tub."

EEP!

We've been busy. We are working our butts off. We keep having to call in the grandparents and aunties to play with Sweet Pea so we can keep cleaning. A lot is getting done, but the room that's supposed to be getting cleared for a new bed is just not there yet. And Slipshod keeps buying flowers that need to be planted outside quickly so they don't dry out or get rootbound in their pots. It's great, really - the yards are getting more and more cheerful looking, and gardening is something that Slipshod and Sweet Pea do together on weekend mornings while I take a shower. It just takes away from the time Slipshod spends inside working on clearing the room.

Today Slipshod apparently said to Sweet Pea while they were out planting in the back yard, "I like spending time with you." Later, when I was getting Sweet Pea settled for her nap she said to me, "I like spending time with you." I said, "I like spending time with you too, sweetie!" Then she told me that her daddy had said that to her earlier (or maybe I asked her about that part, I can't remember), and she went on to tell me that she replied to him, "Yes! I like spending time with you and Mommy and Sweet Pea!" hee hee heeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Omigosh, she is just so endearing. It's a REALLY good defense mechanism. ha ha. Not that she needs a ton of that - she's pretty easygoing most of the time. Though 2 going on 3 is definitely getting more challenging for Slipshod and I as parents.

Last week it hit me pretty hard that I really was spending way more time worrying about getting the house decluttered/packed/cleaned than even thinking about labor, much less preparing myself for it. Wednesday evening Slipshod and I left Sweet Pea at home with her grandparents and went to our prenatal appointment (she usually goes with us) and then stayed for a refresher course on homebirth. There was another couple there who are having their third child, but first homebirth. It was fun to sit and chat with them and our midwife's assistant (our midwife was out of town). The assistant showed us a couple movies, one of them rather clinical explaining the stages of labor and all that, interspersed with video of real women in real labor. The others were amazing videos of homebirths which were really inspiring to watch.

It was very good for me to sit and focus on birth for a couple hours. But that night after coming home I felt really sad. I couldn't put my finger on why right away; I had to talk with Slipshod for a while before I worked through it. A couple of different realizations came out of my pondering. First, that I am simply not ready for labor. Hopefully I still have a couple weeks to work my mind toward it - I carried Sweet Pea to 40 weeks, so I will probably carry this baby that long as well, but you just never know - this baby is technically term now (the definition of which falls between 37 & 40 weeks), so she may be ready to come out at any time over the next few weeks.

The second realization was true and honest grief over the change that is about to happen to my relationship with Sweet Pea. We are so close, and I don't want that to change. I love being her mommy, and for a while I even thought about not having any more kids so that our relationship wouldn't have to be disrupted by a sibling. But ultimately I knew that if Slipshod and I were able to have another child, we should, because every only child I've ever known asked for siblings somewhere along the way. And I know that once Sweet Pea gets used to having a sibling, she will love it and the two of them will have a wonderful time growing up together. I learned a lot from my siblings so I know that she and her little sister will teach each other a lot too.

Sweet Pea ADORES babies, but I am pretty sure that having one actually living with us 24x7x365 will be a much different experience for her than playing with babies during play group or while visiting other friends. I have been concerned for a while about how difficult of a transition having a new baby will be for Sweet Pea. Now I am seeing how difficult it already is for me too!

But getting back to labor. I think that I have been putting off thinking about it. Finding ways and reasons not to deal with the reality that it is coming, and soon. I am hoping to post my first birth story when I go into labor, so at that time, if you have a couple days to read and someone to bring you meals while you do so, you will be able to understand, if you choose to actually read it all, what kind of baggage I am coming into this labor with.

Here's the short version: I felt the first twinges of labor, which for a while I mistook for gas pains, at 5am on July 22. Most of that day was simple and easy early labor, and early in the day it would even go away when I rested or took a shower. By bedtime that night it was still quite manageable, but I couldn't sleep through it. By 7am on July 23rd my midwife said that I was in hard labor. At 7:30am on July 24th I STILL, after a day, had not progressed past 3cm, so at my midwife's instruction we transferred to the hospital, where I, again at her instruction, got an epidural and was finally able to rest a bit. Then I got some pitocin, and after three and a half hours of pushing, pushed Sweet Pea out at 6:28pm on July 24th.

My midwife called it "pro dromo labor," I think because my contractions never became regular throughout the entire labor. Additionally, when Sweet Pea came out, we saw that her umbilical cord had been wrapped twice around one of her thighs, which certainly must have had something to do with her not being in the position to push against the cervix to help it open.

So you can imagine that I don't want to go through that again. Everyone keeps telling me, "Sweet Pea paved the way, your second labor will be so much shorter and easier," and all that sort of stuff. And I love to hear that, but for some reason I am having a very difficult time actually believing it. Especially since this baby, just like her sister, has at the end of the pregnancy turned posterior.

Yes, my three days of labor with Sweet Pea was ALL back labor. It fucking SUCKED. And I REALLY don't want to do that again.

But what has me a bit mystified is what exactly I am resisting here. I know that I can deal with a significant amount of pain, and four days of no sleep (I did not sleep much or well the night before I went into labor) at the same time. During my first labor, I NEVER ASKED TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL. I NEVER ASKED FOR DRUGS. Those are points of pride with me. And also that after everything I had been through already, I was still able to push Sweet Pea out on my own, despite the 17 people (I am not exaggerating) who worked at the hospital who were crowded around me actually holding things like forceps and a vacuum inches from Sweet Pea's crowning head. Thank goodness that Slipshod, our midwife, and my sister were there. I seriously believe to this day that if anyone had done anything besides let me push the baby out on my own, my sister would have jumped on them and ripped their heads off. She knew that wasn't what I wanted, and even though I was starting to think maybe that wasn't such a bad idea (that's how they get you in hospitals), she fought them off all but physically.

Anyway - I guess what worries me most is that this baby is posterior. Technically she still has time to move around, and she will probably get into the right position when the time comes. But I am also worried that she is staying posterior because like her sister she may be stuck in the cord.

I REALLY want this labor to be much shorter than my first and to end at home with a healthy baby and mom. So why am I focusing on what might go wrong? I feel like I'm setting myself up for problems. Like I should be focusing on what I WANT to happen, and talking to the baby about what she needs to do, rather than freaking out about what happened the first time happening again. But somehow I can't seem to let go of the negative stuff. I really, really need to do that.

If this labor starts as mildly as my first, I am planning to try to get on here to post briefly. Not just to plop up my first birth story, but predominantly to ask for your good wishes, prayers, good vibes, that you keep me in your thoughts, and any other form of positivity anyone reading it might be willing to send my way. So keep checking... my due date is anywhere from May 29th to June 2nd (or later, we'll see how things go...). Or sooner, if the baby decides it's time.

Dream a Little Dream

Once upon a time, in an alternate reality, there was a very pregnant mama who was completely rested. Each day when she awoke to find her toddler daughter doing yoga poses over her head to wake her up (that part is from my actual reality, btw - Sweet Pea does "downward facing dog" over my head on my pillow, putting her face into mine, sometimes touching her nose to mine - LOL), she smiled and arose gracefully, fully refreshed and ready for the day ahead. She knew exactly what food she had on hand and what she was going to easily throw together for each healthy meal of the day. And her daughter happily ATE said food, while sitting relatively still, using utensils, and wearing a bib. Her husband even came home at 5:30 every day and ate dinner with the family.

Now this mama, despite her advanced pregnancy, was no slouch when it came to thinking of games to play and activities to do with her daughter, and she always had enough time to get the little one out into the sunshine for a bit of play in the sand box and a nice run around the back yard, which was partially shaded by two lusciously leaved, tall trees. In this household the TV was rarely turned on and the little girl knew the words to countless songs and rhymes and could entertain herself happily for an hour at at time.

During these respites, the mama, having nothing pressing to do in the way of housework, packing, or nesting, would walk without fear of tripping on toys to the living room and lounge luxuriously on her clean couch and read whatever book she chose. She had so much reading time that she was able to enjoy several books per month.

At 36 weeks pregnant she was fully prepared with her birth kit and other necessary items for a home birth, had picked up the birthing tub from the other locals who recently borrowed it from the midwife, and was completely mentally prepared for her second labor. She was eating well every day and taking daily walks with her daughter and had no fear of running into complete exhaustion during labor. She had a doula hired who she knew and felt comfortable with and knew what visualizations she would try first when labor got rough. She had every confidence that her husband would be fully present for her during her labor, both emotionally and physically. She was not worried about her daughter coming to her crying during labor because she (daughter) missed her (mama's) normal constant presence. She was not worried about her daughter accepting the baby as a new member of the family.

This mama was so lucky that her house magically stayed clean all the time. The new bed she and her husband had recently shopped for could be delivered immediately because they had a whole clean room just sitting around waiting. She never had to deal with stupid things like the local pharmacy running out of her prenatal multivitamin and giving her three pills instead of 90 and not saying a word about the shortage while charging her husband for a full bottle.

One day the mama forgot to drink one of her six glasses of water. But that was the worst things ever got.

**Note: Top photo taken by good friend Shawna Scherbarth, whose glorious travel photography may be viewed here. Top photo also taken during my first pregnancy in 2003. This time around my belly is sporting many more stretch marks - and frequently lots of butterfly stickers, since Sweet Pea seems to believe that's where butterfly stickers belong. Hee. Bottom photo taken by Slipshod.

***Another Note: In case anyone is concerned, I DO have my birth kit - I've had it for a couple weeks. It's just not unpacked in a central location yet, and there is another list almost as long as the list of what's in the birth kit of other stuff that I still need to gather and put in the same location.

You've Gotta See This

Go over to the Queen of Spain's blogspot and check out the Kaiser's new design for the Queen's newly coined title, "Stay-at-Home Feminist." Heeeeeee! If you haven't read what sparked the creation of this coolness, go read this post.

I Feel Boring

There has been a ton going on around here, but it just hasn't seemed like bloggable stuff. Oh well - here once again goes my scattered laundry list.

Saturday we had some help from Slipshod's sister and brother-in-law and we got a bunch more stuff moved to storage AND Slipshod got some planting done out front. He's got some drip hoses set up, so he was able to plant all the way out front down by the sidewalk (along the driveway). He put in five cute little potato (the decorative kind, not the edible kind) bushes with purple flowers. Then yesterday Sweet Pea helped him do some planting in the back yard in some pots. They planted the strawberry plants they had brought home the previous weekend, and Sweet Pea reported to me that after she and her daddy had put the strawberry plants into bigger pots, the plants had said, "THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!" Ha ha ha!

So the yard is perking up and the back porch looks TONS cleaner. Yay! Unfortunately, we didn't get much out of the room we're trying to empty and make back into a big bedroom...

But speaking of that room, and beds - yesterday Sweet Pea got to spend the day here at home with Grandma and Grandpa while Slipshod and I FINALLY went bed shopping! We spent a ton of time trying out different beds at Sleep Train. We tried Sleep Number, Tempurpedic, and other mattresses. It was really quite a restful way to spend an afternoon; I just wish I could have actually taken a nap there! ha ha! We bought a bed (Cal King, upgrading from a very old double sized, so YAY! CAN'T WAIT!!), but since we still don't have a room to put it in, the heat is on to get the rest of our junk out of the "office"... and I have NO idea when or how we're going to get the room ready. I obviously can't do a lot of moving of stuff in my current condition, and Slipshod can't even do as much as I can, due to his radial tendonitis and carpal tunnel (in both arms). Ugh. He's feeling pretty down about being all gimpy right now. It's horrible timing. But, what can ya do? Hopefully we'll still be able to manage to move stuff this week. I'd love to have our new bed delivered next weekend if possible.

OF NOTE on the subject of beds and bedding: If, Queen of Spain and other co-sleeping and/or expecting parents or anyone else wanting to protect your mattress, you have been looking for that "non-crunchy" plastic mattress pad someone was talking about a while back: Here it is. And this price is HALF what they were asking in the bed store. We were really impressed with it at the store. It is terrycloth on the front and some kind of very thin, very soft and malleable plastic on the back. Somehow it is both waterproof AND breathable. I don't understand how that is possible, but they had a piece of the fabric stretched over the mouth of a small canning jar full of Windex, with the middle part of the lid gone and just the ring screwed on to hold the fabric in place. You could smell the Windex through the fabric, but you could turn the jar upside down and NOTHING came through. Wild! It's also washable and dryable!

Changing gears: Today I am once again ready to commit catricide. Clark's going down. He is being SUCH a feline ASS today. It's been a long time since he has tested me like this, and I thought he had gotten over it. Actually, he does this when he doesn't get enough attention. I had been pretty good about snuggling both cats every day for the past two or three weeks, but for the past couple days I haven't been spending much time with them, and they're letting me know. But he needs to learn that acting out at every available opportunity is not the way to get me to pet him. Idiot. After he finally pushed me too far this morning I grabbed him by his scruff and took him to the garage, ready to stick him in the cat carrier and leave him there for the rest of the day. But the cat carrier wasn't there. I called Slipshod and he said, "oops, we took it to storage." OOPS, indeed. Argh. I may end up sticking Clark in a cardboard box in the garage instead. Too bad we've only got one that's big enough for several of him. He'll probably have fun being locked in a big box. Grrr. Today's transgressions include but are not limited to: knocking my water glass over when I went to grab him when he was going to drink it, and jumping INTO my plate, ONTO MY FOOD. Oh, no. I freakin' rule here. Not him. HE WILL LEARN. Did I mention that said cat is an ASS? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!

Well, Sweet Pea took a good nap yesterday after no naps for two days (followed by 11 1/2 hour nights). Today she woke up early and is now napping, but she really didn't want to, so I hope she at least stays asleep long enough for me to get an uninterrupted shower. Better go start the water!

Only One Month Left - Maybe!

I think the baby dropped yesterday. I didn't notice when Sweet Pea dropped (an entire month before her birth), but yesterday I started noticing that my belly looked lower. And it felt lower. And EVERY time I stand up, I have to run to the bathroom! Make that waddle. I haven't been able to run or even walk normally for a long time.

Last night I fell asleep worrying about delivering early. There's still so much to do - we're not ready. But after 9 hours in bed last night which, despite being interrupted by potty breaks and sore hips, was rather restful, I feel ready to get going again today. But I've decided I'd better switch my focus a little, away from so much cleaning and toward gathering the rest of the items we need to have on hand for the birth! Could be important... and our midwives don't even know how to get to our house. I should probably send directions. And print directions to the hospital in case we need to transfer. And interview doulas and hire one (we're not 100% sure both midwives will be able to be here for the birth and would like to have another person on hand) And stuff like that. Whee...

Turbo Nesting

Call in the bulldozers and bring me some gasoline! I want this place CLEAN. I want the clutter OUT and GONE. I want to feel like this is a comfortable place to have a baby.

Unfortunately, I still haven't figured out how to make a lot of cleaning fun for Sweet Pea. She often loves to use her little feather duster to help me dust, and sometimes she will carry the vacuum cleaner cord around behind me as I move about the house, or she will want me to hold her so she can "help" me push it. But mostly she stands up on the furniture in fear of the beast that sucks. And encourages me to use it to try to suck up the poor kitties. Oh, how they suffer at her hands... or would if she were bigger and knew how to use machines - and wasn't afraid of them. She will often play in the sink next to me while I wash the dishes, but not always... and it is difficult to sort through objects and old mail while trying to play with her. So I don't feel like all that much is being accomplished. By me, anyway.

So yesterday morning after we got up and I dawdled on the computer a bit and we ate a bite of breakfast, I ashamedly sat Sweet Pea in front of the TV and then went to take a shower. After that I started a load of laundry and then vacuumed the house. That was WAY too much time in front of the TV for her and I was completely exhausted by the end of my work - but it sure did help my mental state after being away all weekend and coming back to dirty dishes and dirty laundry (going away always creates more dirty laundry because we take our Aerobed and sheets). I still have to gain control of the place, but having that stuff started/done really helped, and over the course of the day I was able to catch up with all of the clothing laundry (sheets still dirty, but those I can easily get done today - yay!). Last night before bed I caught up with the dishes and shined the sink. I am gaining more control. Yay!

Interestingly, I have noticed lately when looking through old pictures of when Sweet Pea was born that our house was WAY more cluttered then. It looks so much better now that I can't imagine how it can possibly still feel cluttered to me. Probably because it is. I don't know how I lived here like that when even with the current amount of clutter, and progress being made in small increments more often and pretty regularly, I am ready to crawl out of my skin.

Anyway, the thought has arisen that maybe I wasn't able to give birth at home the first time because I didn't feel comfortable enough here. Even though as soon as I say that I don't believe it, because that thought/feeling NEVER occurred to me while I was in labor (plus she had a leg wrapped in the umbilical cord and I feel that that was the biggest hindrance to labor progressing), it sticks in my head as a reason to get this place as clean and decluttered as possible in the next four weeks, just to make sure that the clutter won't interfere this time (since this time I am very aware of and bothered by it).

Yesterday Sweet Pea asked me to read the "Where Do Babies Come From" book to her. I thought she meant the one that explains where baby plants, ducks, kitties, and humans come from - the one that talks about eggs and sperm and all that. But she wanted to read and talk about the Dr. Sears book "Baby On The Way," which made me even happier, because that one is more about the process of me being pregnant and her becoming an older sister. It talks about what will happen when I go into labor, and gives pages to discuss (we paraphrase some pages to fit our situation) what she will be doing while I'm in labor, who is taking care of her, etc.

I finally asked her if she wants to see the baby actually be born, after explaining where the baby comes out, etc. very clearly and she said, "yes!" I hope that will be possible. If the baby is born at night and Sweet Pea is sleeping I am certainly not going to have anybody wake her up. But if she is home and awake, I would love for her to see the birth first-hand.